Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
We still have plenty of 10,000 Maniacs and Tigerlilly on the old Ipod, but listening to Natalie do Randy Newman's Political Science, If I Only Had a Brain from the Wizard of Oz, and her own Kind and Generous, in the stripped down setting of this offering reminded us of how great Merchant's voice is.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
At a rumored price tag of $3 million dollars, you just know there has to be some ridonkulous extravagance. Look no further than the shitters. The Clinton's will supposedly be dropping $15k on high-end portable bathroom trailers.
"The Clintons would opt, fittingly, for the Presidential Series Luxury
Washrooms, which are equipped with vanities for the ladies, sinks with hot
water, marble interior, air conditioning, skylights and flushing toilets, plus
plenty of paper products and soap."
We can't help but hope Eric Hyman and the Gamecock Club have seen these trailers and have an entire fleet awaiting us on the fairgrounds this year.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Alas, as the video below shows, CNBC's crew was not allowed to be interviewed. So, we were denied watching CNBC's Mark Haines grill JWoww about why she remains so heavily invested in Silicon Valley or watch him try to wrap his meager mind around The Situation explaining to him that this is the shirt before the shirt.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Now...let's get to work on taking down that big, bad government!
If only this method could work for our clients. Good news. After a thorough investigation, we are pleased to announce Mr. Manson did not kill the LaBianca's and Sharon Tate, nor did he attempt to incite a race war. He is in fact, Not Guilty. Now, if you do not mind, State of California, please relase our client.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Hope you have a good weekend. And remember...if you're driving, don't drink. And if you drink...don't drive.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Anyone who follows this blog knows we are addicted to the reality television train wrecks that are The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, last night, our early pick to win it, Frank broke our young damsel's heart by picking his "ex"-girlfriend over Ali.
Monday, July 19, 2010
You know how much cocaine someone will buy? As much as you will fucking sell to 'em. Nobody ever just says, "Nah...I think that's too much coke. I don't really want that much." How ever much money someone that does cocaine has, that's as much cocaine as that person is gonna buy.
So, what's all the hubbub, bub? Well, "refudiate" is not a word. Now...being that we blog and tweet, we will be the first to admit that our grammar ain't (see!) always the best, especially in those mediums. We have had more than our fair share of misspellings and other poor grammar, so...no big deal. Palin came back with a subsequent tweet asking "peaceful New Yorkers" to "refute the Ground Zero Mosque plan." So she doesn't understand that "repudiate" and "refute" are two separate words. We gotcha.
Or...we think her sharpie writing may have just smeared.
(We will ignore for the purposes of this post, the utter hypocrisy in Palin seemingly desiring to curtail religious freedom and we suppose have government step in and stop a private entity from doing whatever they damn well please with their own property, because we all know religious freedom and anti-government sentiment for people like Palin are based strictly on their own terms: principles they are for or against depending on their own interests).
So...again...what's the big deal?
Well...to defend herself, Plain elected to put herself beside the Bard, William Shakespeare. Uh...we don't think so, sista.
Nevertheless, it has led to all kinds of fun on Twitter with a new topic trending: Shakespalin. Some of the best so far:
-How's all that bein' or not bein' working out for ya?
-But soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the East, and I can see Russia from my front porch.
-To suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous liberals, or to quit half-term, and by opposing, rake in speaking fees.
-Those clamorous harbingers of blood and death panels.
-A moose, a moose! My governorship for a moose!
Gammon was in a host of films and tv shows, most often tasked with playing a cowboy or good ole boy. Gammon was well suited to such roles, thanks to his distinctive, gravelly voice. His biggest roles were arguably as Cleveland Indians Manager Lou Brown in the Major League franchise of movies and as Nick Bridges, father of Don Johnson's Nash Bridges in the television show.
We will always remember him as Dawson from Silverado, saying to Emmett: "Mind? You bring a posse to my best hideout and you ask me if I mind? Mister, I don't know any of those names. You're about to die."
But he will definitely always be remembered by those of us who were children of the 80s as Lou Brown, who wanted us to forget about the curve ball and just give 'em the heater.
Farethewell, Lou. And we won't give you none of that Olé shit.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
But on the heels of Arnett's comment, comes confirmation from Arrested's creator Mitch Hurwitz that yes...they have started the script and all the principle cast members are on board. That's good news, because with the cancellation of Better Off Ted, we've been going through Portia de Rossi withdrawal. Yes...we know...she's Ellen's partner. That is true and we don't care.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Happy Birthday to the gal who inspired an entire generation to make sure the bathroom door was locked
We also readily admit we enjoyed seeing how the 'Pine did compared to other blogs (even if we have no idea how they do their rankings) and also appreciate Blognetnews turning us on to other blogs we did not know about.
Having said all that, it looks like the party is over. Blognetnews has gone down like Sonny Liston and does not appear to be getting back up.
If anyone has a suggestion for a new aggregator (Reino?) we are all ears. Until then, we will just claim to be the number one blog on our block. Although we hear the kid several houses down has a wicked awesome crazy bands blog...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
In the wake of the public release of Mel Gibson's sexist, racist and profane phone recordings to his baby's mama, Christian Bale contacted his buddy Mel Gibson to lend some advice. You're going to watch the video below...but you will blow us first.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
"Kate's confidence is amazing," an insider tells me. "She thinks she is a fantastic catch. Not only does she think she has never looked better, Kate also now has a ton of money. As far as she's concerned, there is nothing not to like. She's beautiful, rich and thinks of herself as very easy to get along with."
Someone has accused Uncle Jesse from Full House of a love that is way out of line. Meet Allison Cross, who allegedly had a fling with John Stamos back in 2004. So what, you ask? Well...back in 2004, Allison was a 17-year old on Spring Break in Florida with friends when Stamos is alleged to have invited her and a female friend up to his hotel room where he supposedly was photographed hanging out with strippers and cocaine.
Eventually, Cross and some nightclub owner buddy of hers named Scott Sippola allegedly tried to extort $680,000 out of Stamos. Stamos went to the cops, a sting was set up and Cross and Sippola were arrested. Yesterday, Stamos faced Cross in court.
Listen...before you get too hard on Uncle Stamos for taking a 17-year old and her friend up to a hotel room filled with strippers and coke, take the following into consideration.
At the time, Stamos was having to deal with losing this...
Could not have been easy, you know. Anyway...it gives us a great opportunity to revisit a little Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. Hey...the music industry has never been turned off by statutory rape.
This post spurned a discussion this afternoon about all the songs devoted to this topic. We were able to come up with the following (feel free to add your own in the comments):
-I Saw Her Standing There - Beatles
-I'm on fire - The Boss
-Girl You'll be a Woman Soon - Neil Diamond (but better known for the Urge Overkill version from Pulp Fiction)
-She's Sexy and 17 - Stray Cats
-Don't Stand so Close to Me - Police
-Hot Blooded - Foreigner
Perhaps the most blatant other than Puckett and the Union Gap:
-Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves - Cher ("Papa would have shot him if he'd knew what he'd done." She became a "gal in trouble" for crying out loud!)
When it is all said and done, someone should go back and closely watch all the footage of this show to find out how our whack culture can cause a relatively attractive young lady to totally go Frankenstein on herself, ala Heidi Montag. As if hooking up with a jagoff like Spencer Pratt isn't enough, Montag literally butchered herself into becoming a real life, plastic Barbie doll. And Spencer...he's no Ken. Seriously...it looks like a completely different person, no?
As our lady reminisced the other night when we saw the promo for tonight's show: who ever thought they'd miss Stephen. Word. When you're left pining for a lame, James Dean wannabe, where does that tell you your show has gone? In the crapper.
So long, Hills. Don't let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Anyway...enjoy the video if for nothing else than checking out the mullets.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Harper Lee's literary classic "To Kill a Mockingbird" turns 50 today. The book read by most of us in middle school won the Pulitzer Prize, sold more than 30 million copies, been the basis for a movie that won 3 academy awards and beat the Bible as the most inspirational book of all time. It also has managed to be the 21st most challenged book according to the American Library Association for the years 2000-2009, which brings us to the question, what idiots in this day and age think children shouldn't be reading To Kill A Mockingbird?
Lee set the timeless classic in fictional Maycomb, Alabama, which was modeled after her hometown of Monroeville, Alabama. Monroeville has been hosting a 4-day, 50th anniversary celebration this weekend with marathon readings, tours and the opportunity for fans to sample Monroeville's signature drink: a Tequila Mockingbird.
Why reasonable people go stark raving mad when anything involving a Negro comes up, is something I don't pretend to understand.
Friday, July 9, 2010
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us. The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"
You can take it to the bank.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
(In related news, feel free to check the Twitter feed on this blog tonight at 9pm, where we will exclusively announce our decision regarding our first after-dinner cocktail after our board meeting in Greenwood. Right now, the odds are on a nice single-malt, but you can never count out an homage to Jeffery Lebowski aka a white Russian).
We awoke this morning to "reports" that "sources" were saying LeBron was leaning towards joining fellow Olympic team members DeWayne Wade and Chris Bosh in Miami. Yet there are those who insist LeBron can't turn his back on his "hometown" of Cleveland (even though his actual hometown is Akron). So since everyone is weighing in, what do we think?
First, we have been New York Knickerbocker fans since they signed one of our all-time favorite college players, Patrick Ewing. After the Knicks signed Amare Stoudemire and the Wade-Bosh train pulled into Miami, there has been a brief stirring of the once-dead NY coals, bringing a bit of the LeBron-to-NY fire back to life. Would that it were. The Knicks have without a doubt spent the last 3 years been betting on getting LeBron. Knick fans have been shamelessly throwing themselves at LeBron every single game he has played in NY, like Snooki throws her head at tanned, juiced-up guidos. If LeBron doesn't come to MSG, the Knicks and their fans are gonna feel just as slutty as Snooki does when she hooks up with her juiceheads in the club, only to get dissed on the walk back to the beach house when the guido sees a hotter chick. Come on...we (like Snooki) have feelings, you know.
So where do we think LeBron is gonna land? We admit, after the stinker game he had in crapping out of the playoffs (that Game 5 at home), we felt certain LeBron was gone. Then, came FA and it really looked like Chicago or Miami would get him. Chicago, because, without a doubt, they had the best complimentary, young talent to go along with LeBron. Miami, because we all heard about the 3 Olympic teammates pact to play together.
Come on, 'Pine...pick a destination. Ok, ok...we're no ESPN NBA Insider like Chris Broussard , who wins our title of most lame-ass "insider" for his refusal to simply pick a destination on Mike & Mike late last week when confronted by ESPN's Chad Ford. Broussard, when teased by Ford to just pick one...you can change your mind, kept saying: it's a "very fluid situation" and the "smartest" answer was to say that "it's a very fluid situation." WTF? You work for ESPN. ESPN is not a journalistic enterprise. For crying out loud, your employer has created this sideshow by relentlessly hyping the "Summer of LeBron" for the past two years. You're biggest journalistic "scoop" of your career has been "confirming" that your bosses were agreeing to whore themselves to LeBron tonight for an hour. Wanting to act like you're a journalist while working at ESPN is like the gal over at the GNC store wanting to call herself a healthcare professional. It's fantasy land, yo.
Yeah...yeah...ok, we'll stop beating the mud outta Broussard and get to our prediction. We predict....drumroll...that LeBron James resigns with Cleveland. (And we do so with full knowledge that Broussard's "sources" have led him to "report" this morning that LeBron is going to Miami). So why do we pick Cleveland?
Simple...this has all the makings of a corny-ass PR stunt. Just the kind of crap we can see LeBron and his pals pulling. Further...we can totally see them straight-up using a "journalist" like Broussard today by leaking the Miami info to him, Broussard jumping on it like a rabid dog, then LeBron "shocking" everyone by returning to his "hometown" tonight, thus creating a big PR win for LeBron in the process. If tonight's event isn't to announce his resigning with Cleveland, we'll be shocked and it will be a very poorly played hand by LeBron and his boys. We could go into detail about how stupid it would be for him to so publicly drive the shiv into the heart of Cleveland, but Jason Whitlock has already done a pretty good job on it (and also offered up an interesting theory on some "assistance" LeBron is gonna get in Cleveland thanks to David Stern).
In addition to the "you're killing Cleveland fans unnecessarily" argument, here's another reason we don't see Miami happening: Wade. It's the similar reason we think LeBron ain't going to Chicago: Rose. Both Wade and Rose are ball-in-the-hand players. So is LeBron. Come crunch time, there's only one ball. These guys know that. That's why LeBron was pushing Bosh so hard to come to Cleveland. Bosh isn't a ball-in-the-hand player. He sets up down low and either takes the dish or gets the rebound. That's the kind of player a ball-in-the-hand player wants to the play with. The argument Whitlock posits about CP3 going to Cleveland is a little different, but Paul is a get-the-ball-in-your-hands player and ball-in-the-hand players like those guys a lot too.
So there you have it: LeBron to Cleveland...suck it Broussard. Although we hope we're dead wrong and LeBron chooses to become hated in Ohio and signs with our Knickerbockers. Either way, we actually will not be witnesses tonight, because we won't be watching the hour-long crotch-nuzzling fest. We'll simply catch the decision via Twitter. Either way, we will be glad when the Summer of LeBron ends, so we can start preparing for the Summer of 'Melo, who will be headed home to the Garden. Count on it.
Late add: TV Land apparently agrees with our prediction as they have renewed "Hot In Cleveland" for a second season. Which really has no significance other than giving us the chance to post a pic of Martin Tupper's ex from Dream On (an all-time fav), Wendie Malick. Enjoy.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
From her "cute" little discretely painted "Fuck U" nail polish...
To her ridiculously childish body language as the judge imposed a very foreseeable sentence that we'd be willing to bet was more lenient than what Lohan's attorney had probably oversold Lohan to expect going in (see video below), Lohan pretty much has solidified in our mind the likelihood that a foray into the adult video world is imminent. If we had to guess, we'd say Vegas will put the over/under at 18 months. The only question now, is what the title of said titillation debut will be? We're torn between Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. Although there is huge market out there, we are sure, for a Parent Trap flick. On the bright side, Lohan can expect to lock up the AVN Awards for years to come.