Sunday, October 30, 2011

Week 8 picks

Last week, we were straight Even Steven at 6-6-1. Let's see if we can't work on that...

We like:

Saints laying 12.5 to the RAMS

Dolphins getting 9.5 v. the GIANTS

Colts getting 9 v. TITANS

PANTHERS laying 3.5 v. Vikes

RAVENS giving 13 to the Cards

BILLS giving 6 in Toronto to the Skins

Jags getting 9.5 on the TEXANS

Lions laying 3 to the BRONCOS

Bengals giving 3 v. SEAHAWKS

Pats laying 3 versus STEELERS

49ers laying 9 v. Browns

Cowboys getting 3.5 v. EAGLES

CHIEFS getting 4 v. Chargers (UPSET SPECIAL)

Last Week: 6-6-1 Upset Specials: 0-1
2011 Season Record: 59-39-5 Upset Special: 4-3-1
Career to date: 325-283-23

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Week 7 picks: Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to light...

We hit week 7 of the NFL season in doing pretty well. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Just as John Doe told Detectives Mills and Somerset in the movie Seven, "Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to the light." The NFL season is a marathon, not a sprint. So before you go dancing around in your Grandma's panties, rubbing yourself in peanut butter over our picks, remember...John Doe has the upper hand. Somebody call somebody...

Bears (-1) v. BUCS (in London)
The Bucs, claiming to have learned from their last London trip, are not treating this like any regular week and waiting to fly in Saturday. The players who were on the team last trip said that sucked, all they did was sleep Saturday and it messed them up. So they went over early, got a chance to see the sights and will be a little more acclimated to the time difference. The Bears, meanwhile, treated it like a regular week.

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL...BUCS getting the point.

SKINS (+2.5) v. Panthers
This pick is simple. You can either roll with John Beck or you can roll with Cam Newton. We're rolling with Cam.

BTPC pick = Panthers laying the 2.5

Pick 'em? Really? Did Vegas watch that Monday night game? The only reason the Jets won, AT HOME, was because the Dolphins absolutely SUCK.

BTPC pick = Chargers.

BROWNS (-3) v. Seahawks
The only question we have here, is does Charlie Whitehurst, starging for the Seahawks, confuse those orange Browns' helmets, for Clemson helmets and throw a bunch of picks. Meanwhile, the Browns spent this past week, with rumors of them trading their marquee players: Peyton Hillis.

BTPC pick = Seahawks getting the 3.

Texans (-3) v. TITANS
This just smells like the typical Kubiak-team stinker.

BTPC pick = Titans getting the 3.

DOLPHINS (PK) v. Broncos
The Dolphins are 1-11 in their last 12 at home. And tomorrow, it's the SUCK FOR LUCK SUPERBOWL. Whoever loses this game will be in the driver's seat for the #1 pick in the draft. Throw in the fact that it's Tebow-time...AND the Dolphins had weeks ago gone ahead and planned for Sunday to be "Gator Day," celebrating Florida's 2008 National Championship...It's almost like God is planning this. And we all know Tebow is tight with the Almighty. The only thing that makes us think Miami could win this, is it would be just our luck to blow this game, win it, then lose out on the #1 pick. Come on, can do it...BLOW. THIS. GAME.

BTPC pick = Tebow! (Broncos)

LIONS (-3.5) v. Falcons
So the Lions traded Jerome Harrison to the Eagles for Ronnie Brown, only to have the trade voided when Harrison's physical showed he had a brain tumor. Gotta admit...that's a first. Some might be tempted to go with the Falcons here, seeing as how Detroit has shown a propensity for letting teams come back from way down recently. But need we remind you of how BAD the Falcons D is?

BTPC pick = Lions laying the 3.5.

RAIDERS (-3.5) v. Chiefs
We're sure Kyle Boller's confidence is just soaring after the Raiders gave up a ridiculous price to get Caron Palmer, the Raiders leaked comments about how the players were marveled about having a "real QB" at the subsequent practices and Hue Jackson all but guaranteed Palmer would start Sunday. Now, word is leaking that Palmer probably is not ready to start this week ( think?) and it looks like Boller is going to get the nod. To put that in perspective, go tell your wife or girlfriend that you're dumping her because you've finally found a girl that is actually hot. Then, explain that your new love has got to work Saturday night, so you need your current gal to be your date to the party you have on your calendar. How well do you think that date is gonna go?

BTPC pick = Chiefs getting the 3.5

Steelers (-4) v. CARDS
Kevin Kolb or Big Ben?

BTPC pick = Big Ben (Steelers) laying the 4.

COWBOYS (-13.5) v. Rams
The week after getting blasted by his owner publicly for pussing out on that last drive because he didn't trust his QB, can Jason Garret run it up on the Rams? Maybe...but 13.5 is too much for us.

BTPC pick = LATE CHANGE...originally said Rams getting the 13.5, but then it was announced that Bradford was out. Maybe there's some out there that think AJ Feely can keep it close. We don't. Cowboys by 13.5...

Pack (-9.5) v. VIKINGS
Why on earth the Vikings want to throw Christian Ponder into the fire in a game they are no way gonna win, we do not know. But lord have mercy...if Ponder somehow were to pull this one out, Viking Nation will be crazy next week declaring him savior. But that's not gonna happen on Aaron Rodgers' watch...

BTPC pick = Pack laying the 9.5

SAINTS (-13.5) v. Colts
Who knew teams should be targeting coaches on the sideline, huh? The Colts quietly go about their own Suck for Luck campaign.

BTPC pick = Saints laying the 13.5

Ravens (-8) v. Jags
The non-violent Harbaugh brother increases the flame underneath Jack Del Rio's buttocks...

BTPC pick = Ravens laying the 8

Last Week: 8-4-1 Upset Specials: 0-0-1
2011 Season Record: 53-33-4 Upset Special: 4-2-1
Career to date: 319-273-22

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Week 6 picks: Playing the hot hand...

In case you didn't notice, we enter week 6 of the NFL season an quite the roll. We went 10-2-1 last week. How are we, lifetime .500 prognosticators, doing it? Who knows...when you're in Vegas and you get on a streak, you don't question where the cards are coming from. You just play 'em. Having said that, let's ante up and see the cards...

PACKERS -14 v. Rams
Rodgers is playing out of his mind. It's not just that he's throwing completions, racking up yards and scores. You really have to watch how those passes look to enjoy just how on fire he is. His passes are BBs. They just look different than the passes every other QB is throwing. They're frickin' Laser Beams. Dr. Evil wants to mount Aaron Rodgers on the head of shark, that's how awesome his throws are. The 14 points scares us, since it is high...but given how well GB is playing versus how poorly the Rams are playing, who wants to pick the Rams here? Anyone? Bueller?

BTPC pick = Pack laying the 14.

STEELERS -12.5 v. Jags
We said last week we were giving the Steelers one more chance. And look what they did with it...throttling the Titans, who had been playing well and looking like a decent team (two things the Jags have not done). See how romantic Big Ben is? We can't quit him...

BTPC pick = Steelers laying the 12.5

Eagles -3 v. SKINS
If you're asking yourself how the hell the the team at the bottom of the division at 1-4 can be a 3 point favorite versus the team at the top of the division at 3-1, we have no idea. Suppose it's because if the Skins win this one, the Eagles are done and Vegas is figuring this Eagles team is too good to get knocked out this early. Or maybe they remember how Vick destroyed the Skins last year. Or maybe they remember how the visitor has dominated this series winning 8 of the last 9. We want to take the Skins here, but we're gonna go with Vegas...because afterall...those SOBs make millions off of this shit.

BTPC pick = Eagles laying 3.

LIONS -4 v. 49ers
Last week we asked the question of whether or not the Niners were real. We picked them over the Bucs saying we thought Harbaugh was. And Harbaugh and his scrappy team proved us right. We still think the Niners are a good team (and lament the fact that Harbaugh turned down the Dolphins gig), but we just don't see an Alex Smith team going in to Detroit and keeping pace with that offense.

BTPC pick = Lions laying the 4.

FALCONS -3.5 v. Panthers
Have you tried the Cam yet? You really should try the Cam. It's wonderful (and seems to always cover). By the way...he's pretty damn good in the Georgia Dome. (Trust us...unfortunately we've seen it first hand).

BTPC pick = Panthers getting the 3.5

BENGALS -6.5 v. Colts
Tough call here. We've enjoyed taking the Bengals this season, as they're a better team than most realize. But they don't win games big. On the other hand, the Colts have shown some life with Curtis Painter finally getting under center, but news broke this week that Irsay and the Colts may be looking to unload their two best players (who are playing) in Wayne and Mathis. We'd feel a lot better if the spread was less, but we're gonna roll with the Red Rifle, Andy Dalton.

BTPC pick = Bengals laying the 6.5

GIANTS -3 v. Bills
Before the season, if we had told you that the best team in the state of New York was gonna be the Bills, what would have been your choice for which drug we were on? And now you're telling us Vegas wants to give you 3 points for them to go up against Eli "I pull wins outta my ass by my WRs making ridiculous catches" Manning's Giants? Okay...we don't want the points, we don't need the points, but we'll take the points.

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL...Bills getting 3.

RAVENS -7 v. Texans
The Texans lost to the Raiders last week. At home. After blowing a chance to win it. This week, they travel to Baltimore. Baltimore is better than Oakland. Teams don't run against Baltimore. Without Andre Johnson, the Texans have to run to win. See how easy it is when you break it down.

BTPC pick = Ravens laying the 7.

RAIDERS -6.5 v. Browns
The biggest news outta Cleveland, is still the who Peyton Hillis Strep Throat controversy. Meanwhile, men are so happy in Oakland about being free from the iron rule of Al Davis' corpse, that they're crying on the sideline and in the locker room.

BTPC pick = Raiders laying the 6.5

PATS -6.5 v. Cowboys
The Pats have no pass rush and can't defend the pass. Chad Henne lit them up when they played the Dolphins. The Cowboys offense can move the ball through the air and they're getting Miles back this week. Plus, you can almost taste Romo having the chance to lead the Boys down for a late win, blowing it, then Brady taking over and leading the Pats down to just eke out the win, leading to a week's worth of Dallas fans and the media comparing Romo's choke to Brady's awesomeness. Sports radio show directors can practically take next week off.

BTPC pick = Cowboys getting the 6.5

Saints -5.5 v. BUCS
We were tempted to take the Bucs with this line, thinking the young Bucs will come home pissed at laying the egg in San Fran and give a Saint's team that had to fight for their life against Cam and the Panthers all they can handle. Then we saw where the Bucs starting RB is gonna be out. Awww...what the hell, we're taking the Bucs on the theory that 5.5 is just too high for a team that is very similar to the team that just covered that much last week versus the Saints.

BTPC pick = Bucs getting the 5.5

BEARS -2.5 v. Vikings
The Vikes should win this game, but we don't feel good about taking them. They got their win last's time for them to go back to blowing leads. However, the Bears line seems to be on a mission to get Cutler killed. Jared Allen is gonna have a big day.

BTPC pick = Vikes taking the 2.5

JETS -6.5 v. Dolphins
The Phins go in to this game with Matt Moore at QB. Moore is a pretty mobile guy and we think that may help him against the Jets relentless pass rush. We're not sure what to make outta Brandon Marshall's vow to get thrown out. The Jets are reeling and they've got to consider this a huge game. Then again, for a Dolphins team that is not going anywhere, beating the Jets is one of those season saving types of wins, as in..."Yeah...we went 2-14, but we swept the Jets" kind of ways. We hate to pick against our Dolphins, no matter how terrible they are. And this pick is in no way meant to be a reverse jinx. Honest.

BTPC pick = Jets laying the 6.5

Last Week: 10-2-1 Upset Specials: 1-0
2011 Season Record: 45-29-3 Upset Special: 4-2
Career to date: 311-269-21

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Week 5 picks

Quick posting of picks. Will have to update the running tally later, but pretty sure we went 8-8 last week.

Taking the:

Panthers +6.5 v. Saints

Bills +3 v. Eagles

Colts -2 v. Chiefs

Bengals -2 v. Jags

Giants -9.5 v. Seahawks

VIkes -3 v. Cards

Steelers -3 v. Titans (don't feel great about this one, but we're taking the Steelers and Big Ben one more time before we write them off).

Raiders +6 v. Texans. UPSET SPECIAL. They "Just Win, Baby," for the late Al Davis.

49ers -3 v. Bucs (are the Niners for real? We think Harbaugh is).

Chargers -4 v. Broncos

Jets +9 v. Pats (just too many points)

Pack -6.5 v. Falcons

Lions -5 v. Bears

Last Week: 8-8 Upset Specials: 0-1
2011 Season Record: 35-27-2 Upset Special: 3-2
Career to date: 301-267-20

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Rick Perry is TOAST

You know...a lot of folks would have figured Rick Perry was toast after watching his dreadful performance at a recent GOP debate, where Perry couldn't even seem to form coherent sentences.

But the truth of the matter is, the latest Perry controvery over his family's hunting camp being called "Niggerhead" will be the headshot to Perry's campaign. Sorry...but there's nothing right-wing conservatives hate more than being called racist, no matter how racist they may act. Don't believe us, just ask Hermain Cain, who got lambasted by the conservative media machine over his response to the whole brouhaha.

Note: We're not saying all right-wing conservatives are racist, but we will say most racists sure seem to be right-wing conservatives.

The simple fact of the matter is, the GOP cannot run a candidate against the first black President of the United States who had a family getaway called Niggerhead. Ain't. Gonna. Happen.

So long, Rick. It's back to shootin' coyotes in Texas for you...