Week 3: A Plethora of Picks

After a rocking 9-5-2 start week 1, we fired out of the gates in week 2 with a 8-3-1 start until misfiring on the last 4 games to bring us back to that land we know so well, The Land of Even Steven. Better known as .500.

Titans (+3) v. GIANTS

There was a time when we would have looked at the turd the Giants turned in last week against Eli's big brother and would have bet that Coughlin and his vets would right the ship. Not really sure when that time was, because it was so long ago. Not sure whether we should really hold that whole ass-whuppin' against Eli, his older brother was pissed about losing to the Texans.

Oh yeah...Brandon Jacobs is an asshole.

In all candor, we're not really sure about this one. When in doubt, take the points.

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL! Titans getting 3.

Steelers (-2.5) v. BUCS

Heading into week 3 of the 2010 NFL season, we have learned two things about the Steelers. First, Troy Polamalu is more important to the Steelers than Big Ben. Second, their defense is awesome. Missing their NT last week, they shut down the vaunted CJ2K attack. Tampa's D isn't bad either. Yes, S Tanard Jackson just got suspended for the year, but that will probably be offset by the fact the Steelers starter under center looks like it will be Chaz Batch. Yes...former Detroit Lion QB, Charlie Batch. Always, always go against the QB the Detroit Lions jettisoned.

We're gonna go against that advice this week.

BTPC pick = Steelers laying the 2.5

RAVENS (-10.5) v. Browns

Boy...what happened to that new explosive Ravens offense, huh? Here's a tidbit you might have forgotten over the last two weeks: Joe Flacco was actually touted by many as a top 10 fantasy QB. If he keeps it up, at some point, the Ravens have to put in Marc Bulger, right? The crazy shit about this game, is how can the Ravens be favored by 10.5 when their offense hasn't scored more than 10 points in a game yet? Because the Ravens D hasn't scored a TD yet and they are due some, we suppose.

BTPC pick = Ravens laying 10.5

Bills (+14.5) v. PATS

Tom Brady says as long as his wife is cutting her shorts like this, he's perfectly fine following her orders on cutting his hair...

The interesting thing about this game, is that the Pats strength is the pass and their going up against a very good Buffalo secondary and their missing Tom Brady's security blanket. No...it's not a negligee that Gisele gave him...his security blanket is Kevin Faulk. Faulk is possibly the best pass catching RB we've seen since Keith Byars. Despite all this, the Pats are giving over 2 TDs to Buffalo. That's a shit load of points.

This is where we find out if NE is gonna be any good. With their D, they are gonna have to score a lot of points. If they can't do it against the Bills (good secondary or not), they're pretenders this season.

BTPC pick =NE laying the 14.5

Falcons (+4) v. SAINTS

Call us crazy, but we think the Saints are set to explode. That offense is too good to be bottled up like it has been the past two weeks. Yeah, yeah...Reggie Bush is out. But we're not that impressed with Bush anyway. We think Nawlins is actually a better team without him. Plus, they're at home.

BTPC pick =Saints laying the 4.

CHIEFS (+2.5) v. Niners

Patrick Willis is the best defensive player in football and was the 11th pick of the 2007 NFL draft.

Ted Ginn is a currently injured bust who was taken by Miami two picks higher at 9. Cam Cameron tried to rationalize the pick to an irate room of Dolfans (who mistakenly wanted another bust, Brady Quinn) about how he wasn't just drafting Ted, he was drafting the whole Ginn Family. Cameron apparently was trying to make an argument that Ginn's stable family somehow was going to insure his success. Willis famously had quite an unstable upbringing, coming from a very poor family and having to raise his siblings himself. The lesson...you draft the meaner, hungrier sum'bitch...the guy who has had to claw his way up from the gutter.

So...we'd just like to thank Cam Cameron for denying us the chance to cheer this guy for the next decade as he carves out a Hall of Fame career. 'Preciate that, Cammy.

Yes, the Chiefs are at home...but this isn't gonna be a late Monday night game, so the crowd isn't gonna be quite as good. Yes...it appears the 49ers' coaching staff is incompetent and can't even get calls in. But we refuse to think Patrick Willis is gonna let this team start 0-3.

BTPC pick =Niners laying the 2.5.

Bengals (-3) v. PANTHERS

If the Bengals can make a "top 10 fantasy football QB" like Joe Flacco look that bad, what are they gonna do with Jimmy Claussen?

BTPC pick =Bengals laying the 3.

SEAHAWKS (+5.5) v. Chargers

Exactly how many noses does AJ Smith have and why does he insist on spite-ing his own face so much? Have we mentioned our fantasy football team is very Charger heavy? Rivers, Gates and Floyd are all weekly starters for us. So we're hoping the Ryan Matthews injury pumps up the passing game's stats.

BTPC pick = Chargers laying 5.5.

Redskins (-3.5) v. RAMS

Absolutely no feeling about this game one way or the other.

BTPC pick = Skins laying 3.5.

Lions (+11) v. VIKINGS

Yes...the Lions are officially 0-2 in National Football League. But in the real world, aka Vegas, the Silver Stretch is 2-0, baby! We're riding this "cover" train until it comes off the track.

BTPC pick = Lions getting 11.

TEXANS (-3) v. Cowboys

Best line of the week to Bill Simmons guest co-hosting on PTI. Upon hearing that the 0-2 start has caused Wade Phillips to admit he's lost sleep and hasn't been eating: "I'm not impressed with a well-rested and well-fed Wade Phillips..."

This is where the Texans prove if this is really gonna be the year where they live up to the hype. Coming home after not falling down at Washington, which would have been a classic Texans letdown move following their big opening day win versus the Colts. If they are for real, they put their boots on their in-state rivals and crush the Cowboys season.

It's hard not to pull for the Cowboys to lose. Next week, they have a bye, so could you imagine the story lines coming out of Big D if Wade Phillips goes 0-3 out the gate?

The good news for Wade could be that getting fired would allow him to spend more time keeping an eye on his daughter, Tracy, who appears to have...uh...an aversion to clothing.

The media will be camped out at Valley Ranch like it's Brentwood, circa June 1994.

Maybe we could get Jerry to agree to release smoke, ala the Vatican during enclave.

BTPC pick = Texans laying 3.

Colts (-5.5) v. BRONCOS

Yes...it looks like Champ Bailey is gonna be out, which spells trouble for the Broncos. But more importantly, Knowshon Moreno re-injured another hammy.

A photo of Knowshon Moreno's hamstrings...

BTPC pick = Colts laying the 5.5.

JAGS (+3) v. Eagles

The key to Michael Vick's comeback?

Did you see that spin move last week to avoid the blindside sack? Wow...that was quick. It was like Vick had eyes on the back of his head.

Pass rushes aren't as frightening to Mike Vick as they once were. Wonder why?

The answer...Vick now has what we like to call "avoiding getting raped in the shower" reflexes.

The chic pick here, is to think the wacky way Reid handled this whole QB thing comes crashing down and the Jags win. We're going the other way.

And yes...the "Tell us we will die like dogs" Amigos quote is just wide open for this game.

BTPC pick = Eagles laying 3.

Raiders (+4.5) v. CARDINALS

The only performance worse than the Cardinals last week was Kurt Warner's on Dancing with the Stars. Hey...did you know Kurt Warner said God called him to the show? Uh...sure, Kurt.

God thinks Kurt Warner is an idiot if he's the reason Warner went on Dancing with Stars. Even God knows the only reason to even watch that show is Edyta Śliwińska

BTPC pick = Raiders getting 4.5.

DOLPHINS (-2) v. Jets

Braylon Edwards is an asshole. The Jets are hypocrites. And Rex Ryan is blowhard. We'd really, really, really like to see the Jets lose this one, not just because we hate them and love the Dolphins (which is true). But we're just curious to see what excuses Rex Ryan would offer up this time. After all, Miami didn't really beat the Jets last year, not if you listened to Ryan, despite the fact that after the final gun of each game, Miami had more points. Eff'ing rules.

BTPC pick = Dolphins laying 2.

BEARS (+3) v. Packers

Yes...Jake Cutler has looked ok. And yes, he's gotten himself a new girlfriend. But can anyone name a time one of Kristin Cavallari's relationships has worked out? Anyone?

BTPC pick = Packers laying 3.

Last Week: 8-7-1 Upset Specials 2-0
Season to date: 17-12-3
Career to date: 143-134-11