Last night's trainwreck: LeBron asks Cleveland to tell him how his a** tastes

So...LeBron James decided to bail on Ohio and join Wade and Bosh down on South Beach. We don't think anyone can say it is a surprise that someone decides it's better to live in Florida than Cleveland.

Yeah...we know we predicted LeBron would stay (while hoping he actually went to our beloved Knicks). We got that one wrong. Shocker. If you are familiar with our football prognosticating, you would know, we are a sure thing...to get exactly 50% of our predictions right.

We stand by our reasoning for why it made sense for LeBron to stay given the self-promoting circus his boyz created to announce the decision. And we stand by our ripping of ESPN NBA Insider Chris Broussard, who finally grew a set last night and was willing to make a prediction: that the Heat would win the Eastern Conference. Wow...ballsy, Broussard.

Last night...not long after LeBron pulled a PR equivalent to Shaq's notorious rap asking Kobe to sample his defecation, Cleveland Cavaliers majority owner shat all over LeBron. In an open letter to fans, Gilbert went nuclear on Ohio's homegrown basketball savior. Some choice excerpts:

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us. The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

And:

"I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE"

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

YOWZA!

We think LeBron's overall image won't suffer too long for this. He did, after all, take less money to join a better team. Isn't that usually what we kill professional athletes for NOT doing? However...we don't think he will ever repair his image in Ohio. We still think it was an incredibly ill-conceived way to break this news if you were in fact "heart torn."

But a bit of advice to Cavalier fans wishing to burn their LeBron Jerseys: Have you guys seen the prices for throwbacks? Hold on to those suckers. They'll be worth some loot one day.