Palin gives handjob for $100k

Hands....touching hands. Reaching out...touching me. Touching you....

The great Neil Diamond first sang those lyrics reminding us all of a sweet young lady by the name of Caroline. Well, this week, another lady and her hands made a lot of news. In case you missed it, Sarah Palin was the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention this weekend for the grass rootsy fee of $100,000.

Her speech was exactly what you would expect. A string of Republican catch phrases, sprinkled with "folksy" talk (which apparently can be accomplished by inserting a "y" at the end of any word--see, we did it above with "grass rootsy") and sophomoric snipes at President Obama. We shouldn't say that we would hope that by the end of freshman year, most kids could come up with better attacks on a national politician. But we digress.

What was awfully reminiscent of high school was that Palin got busted for having crib notes on her hand. That's right, while giving a speech that once again went to the lame Republican quip on Obama and his teleprompter, the former Vice Presidential candidate for the "Country First" crowd had cheat notes written on her hand.

Now, it's not the cheat notes that offends me. It's the fact that she needed cheat notes to remember the following "thoughts": energy, tax cuts and lift American spirits. Is this woman, who if you listen to Fox is so likely a front runner to challenge Obama that she "scares" the Democrats. so RETARDED that she can't remember those three very broad ideas. My god, how can you run for office as a Republican and not have the word "tax cuts" branded into your frontal lobe? Well if you believe Gretchen Carlson from FoxNews, it was all just a clever ploy by Palin to poke fun at President Obama. Of course, that's RETARDED.

And yes...we used the word RETARDED, but don't sweat it Sarah, we're using it as satire...like Rush Limbaugh does, so it's all good.

Rep. John Murtha (D-PA): 1932 - 2010

The BTPC would like to pay our respects to the late Congressman John Murtha (D-PA) who passed away this afternoon. Murtha was the very first Vietnam Veteran elected to Congress. Murtha had his detractors, most notably for his tenacity in going after earmarks for his district. This led to him being investigated in the ABSCAM scandal when tapes showed Murtha wanting to know what money would come into his district. To these detractors, Murtha responded:

“If I’m corrupt, it’s because I take care of my district,” he told the
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in March 2009. “My job as a member of Congress is to
make sure that we take care of what we see is necessary.”

Murtha played a pivotal role in swaying public opinion against the war in Iraq when he publicly acknowledged that his support for the war had been a mistake and he called for an end to the conflict. For that act, Murtha, a decorated war-veteran and former Marine Drill Instructor, was accused by Republicans like Tom Delay and Michael Burgess of basically giving comfort to the enemy.

The nation lost a brave man and a dedicated servant. Semper Fi, Congressman.

Super Bowl XLIV Running Diary

Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for a great win last night. How amazing was their win? They managed to defy the BTPC's rock solid .500 game picking. (Sorry, Lee). Who dat, indeed. Who knew the Saints would overcome the odds and in the process, as Simmon's tweeted last night:

I've never been happier to lose money. Welcome back to my life, the Peyton Manning Face. Welcome back. It's been too long.

In honor of the Sportsguy having the best tweet about the game, Breaking down Super Bowl 44, Bill Simmon's style.



4:17 = CBS runs a commercial for CSI: Miami in Outer Space. No...we did not make that shit up. Horatio is gonna quip his cheesy one-liners in zero gravity. You know what would be cooler? CSI: Miami in Inner Space. Wouldn't you love to see Martin Short's reactions to hearing David Caruso in his head?
Better yet...Emily Procter in zero gravity. Yowzah!


4:26 = During the pre-game show, Shannon Sharpe sings The Who's Reign O'er Me. The first official sign that these guys are loopy. Seriously, does everyone remember when Dan Rather got all stupid during elections night coverage in 2000? When will television executives realize that at some point you will reach the point of diminishing returns. For football pregame, this is true not just of length of show, but also of number of personalities. Just sayin'

4:33 = Ok...note to all parents with college-attending kids. If you call your college student and offer to send them money and they say, "No thanks...get yourself something nice," be concerned. Little Bobby and/or Susie are either selling drugs, tricking, making book, turning tricks, allowing a web cam to record their every move or they're on the pole. Word to the wise.

4:48 = Don't want to get political, but that answer by Obama about mirandizing terros suspects was just plain weak. How about dropping some Lincoln on Katie: "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." Bush mirandized people too, is lame. We elected you to be better than the Bush administration. Act it.

Not with those lame answers on miranda/interrogation, President Obama. How about some tough love to the simple-minded, huh? You ain't winning them over anyway. They actually think a Palin Presidency is a good thing.

5:00 = Start of the 4TH! and final hour of pregame. We think this is why the terrorists hate us.

5:15 = The first doubt we have about our pick creeps in thanks to the Phil Mickelson Callaway Diablo Driver prognostication challenge. The Saint's ball went further. Ruh...roh.

5:16 = When asked by Steve Tasker how Dwight Freeny was able to make such a miraculous recovery to the point that he is going to start, Coach Jim Caldwell cited his "running on the beach." Duh...beach running has a long history of spurring comebacks.

In fact, the BTPC has obtained exclusive coverage of Dwight and his Philadelphia-based trainer working out on the beach.

5:25 = During his interview with the greatest QB of all-time, the wanting-to-be-the-greatest QB of all time (that would be Marino, then Manning respectively) tells Dan about the decision not to go for 19-0 "I didn't defend it, I dealt with it." Ruh...Roh. That's bad vibe two.

5:48 = Okay...no matter how much this angle has been played out, that interview with Brees and his wife by Couric was good. Goosebump, quality good. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe three.

6:01 = We really cannot figure out who CBS and the NFL are gearing their telecast to. You got P-Diddy (since when did Miami become "his" town?), then Jay-Z and Rhianna doing your promo music/videos, then you've got The Who playing at halftime. Cheesy.

6:10 = The team intros were weak. Really...it's going to be hard for any Superbowl to ever top the team intros from the Rams-Patriots Superbowl. The Rams were introduced singularly, then the Patriorts were introduced as a team. We remember telling our bold boss who called us right after intros to lay heavy on the Pats. Easiest betting decision in recent memory. But...while the Saints intro to the old Chicago Bulls music, the Colts enter to the theme for CSI: Miami. CBS is obviously pulling for the Colts. This is the same network that brings you Two and Half Men. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe four.

6:19 = As Queen Latiffa sings America the Beautiful and several Saints' players mistakenly hold their hands over their hearts (We say mistakenly...but maybe some of them plan to run for President one day and they don't want FoxNews to use this footage to tar them as unpatriotic falsely), we are shown the most soulful sign language interpreter we have ever seen. Sista is FEELING the song. Word.

6:28 = Coin toss and we are hit with the urge to look up Emmit Smith's lifetime passing stats, because his toss sucks.

6:35 = After the Saints go 3 and out, the Colts take the field. Someone has a tambourine in the Stadium and it stands out on the audio. We don't know that we've heard a noise maker at a pro game. Saints fans are loud. And then Manning to Clark for a big play. We can personally attest to the fact that the Manning-Clark connection is deadly in this stadium. Trust us.

6:44 = Focus on the Family's Tebow commercial. Let us just say this: very tastefully done. If the pro-life movement conducted itself like this all the time, it would go a long way to making this extremely tough and dividing issue not such a wedge issue in this country. Pro-choice people should take note. By the way, we're thinking there's very good odds that this is Tebow's only Superbowl appearance ever.

6:51 = Colston blows a big 3rd and 7 pass. Nice hands, face. After which, Courtney Roby downs the punt at the 4. This is after Roby lit up the guy on the last punt. Halfway through the first quarter and Courtney Roby is the leader for MVP. We're thinking that won't hold up.

6:58 = TV analysts often start talking before knowing where they are going. Case in point, Phil Simms on Reggie Wayne: "after what Pierre Garcon did last week, Wayne may see a lot of more single coverage." "A lot of more single coverage." Is our children learning? We don't think so.

7:01 = Whoa...what was that glitch? Like the feed started skipping or something, then correcting itself right before Manning hooks up with Garcon for the score. 96-yard td drive ties the SB record.

7:18 = Dwight Freeny says the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Wicked one-armed take down of Brees.

7:46 = After stopping the Saints on 4th and goal, the Colts uncharacteristically go conservative. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe five.

8:17 = As Jeff Ross tweeted: "The Who's Left!" Out of tune, but that stage and lighting was cool. But man...Pete Townsend sure has come a long way for a guy caught with kiddie porn. You think he had to register with the Miami-Dade police?

8:23 = Sean Payton shows off his big, hairy ones with the onsides kick. I thought the reverse and the run over the right side at the goal line he called near the end of the first half were examples of him getting too cute. This one was ballsy. By the way, it was Hank Baskett who had a chance to recover that for the Colts. Opps. But Hank has show the ability to catch big plays. He caught Hugh's lady afterall.

Kendra Williamson demonstrates how her husband should have recovered that onsides kick. By the way...that play is called Ambush by the Saints. Appropriate.

8:30 = After the Saints take a 13-10 lead, VW hits us with the best commercial of the night, the updated version of spud. This settles a long, running debate we've had about the rules of spud in the present day. While actual VW Beatles are not that common, VWs as a whole are quite proliferate. Glad VW came out formally and addressed the situation.

8:36 = Huge 3rd and 4 pass to Dallas Clark. Peyton dropped that pass over three Saint defenders while on the run and with two more Saints defenders in the vicinity. We're gonna go out on a limb and say the Saints may want to pay attention to Clark.

8:39 = Me. Thod. Ical. Colts 17-13.

8:39 = Hartley adds a FG for the Saints. That kid is nailing them, no? Nice to see a kicker actually show up in the playoffs. 17-16 Colts.

8:51 = Okay...the Google France commercial was nice. Not only is that action heating up on the field, but Madison Avenue is showing up in the second half.

Somebody wisened up and let the boys from Sterling Cooper into the game during the second half.

9:14 = Shockey TD followed by a hell of a play on the two-point conversion by Lance Moore. Saints 24-17 and it is now apparent that Aunt Mo slipped on some beads after that onsides kick and has continued to show her tits to every balcony in the quarter.

9:32 = Tracy Porter does his best Irvin Neal Thomas impersonation: INT! Pick 6. Saints 31-17.

9:44 = After a ridiculous run call that is stuffed, it all comes down to a 4th and goal from the 6 and it's incomplete. Saints win! Drew Brees wins the MVP. He went 29 for his last 32, with two of those three incompletions being a drop and an intentional spike. That. Is. Money.

The lasting images of this superbowl will be the return of the Peyton Manning face

And the party on Bourbon Street.

For me, the lasting impression will be of Kim Kardashian leeching some of Reggie's spotlight, while wearing shoulder pads larger than his.

Some music for the big game

Killing time until kickoff. Enjoy your dips, ribs, wings, nachos and fellowship. We'll check in later.

Super Bowl Pick: Manning or Mardi Gras?

You know...last year it was easy. Kurt Warner served up an easy Super Bowl pick by angering the gods when he cancelled his wife's promise to their girls that they would get a puppy if Daddy made it to the Super Bowl. There was no doubt once that happened that Iron City would get another ring.

This year...things are not so easy. We are about as torn on this Super Bowl as we can remember. The Colts are a 5.5 point favorite, but the Saints seem like a team a destiny.

Or as our pal George McFly may say: A team of Density.

Here's the deal, folks. We've heard all about the Dwight Freeney injury. We believe in "teams of destiny" and the "nobody believes in us" card that Sean Payton is surely playing. But at the end of the day, we can't pick the Saints. Why? Because...and we hate to admit this...Peyton Manning has entered the "don't fucking bet against him" zone. Sorry. He just has.

Two things make this pick easy. First, Peyton's reactions during and after the Jets game. On Inside the NFL, they showed Manning walking off the field after throwing the TD that put the Colts up on the Jets. Everyone on the Colts sideline was going crazy. Manning had the grimmest look of determination on his face and walked right over to the bench and started looking at film. Then I read a report where Peter King interviewed him after the game and Manning commented on how crazy it was the years when they had no extra week between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl. He told King that there was no way he would be ready in one week. He prepared so damn much for the Jets, he was worn out. You don't think he went overtime prepping for the Super Bowl? Come on. He is no longer a man, he's a machine.

Second, ESPN.com screwed the Saints by tempting the gods through an online item that stated Brees had already won. Opps.

So...

BTPC pick = Colts laying the points. (and just for shits and giggles, 35-28 be the score)

Even tougher for you loyal BTPC readers out there, is the fact that there is only one football game today. With our automatic .500 picking ability, you would kill for a game pick that would post before kickoff, right? Well...don't say we don't try to give you what you want: We like the Penguins over the Capitals. (Hey...hockey's got to be good for something, right?)

Frustration...

A nifty little video I saw recently which pretty much sums up frustration. Enjoy.

Mayor Wukela tells Ed to sit down & shut up

Florence Mayor Stephen Wukela has sat through plenty of City Councilman Ed Robinson's rants before. During Council meetings, Wukela has patiently waited for Ed's rants to run their course through the allotted time for debate then moved the council along to the votes. But apparently, Robinson's latest tirade regarding one of the city's cops was one tirade too many.


To hear Mayor Wukela's full comments, click here.

It is not my habit to respond to each of Councilman Robinson's rant's.
Frankly, it would consume all of my time if I did. However, Councilman
Robinson's latest statements require response...

As is city policy with every such incident, the State Law Enforcement
Division had taken over the investigation, at the city's request. The
perpetrator has been charged with a number of very serious crimes, including
assault and battery with intent to kill. He enjoys the presumption of innocence.
He will be provided a defense and he will have his day in court. The system is
working exactly as it should. Politics has no role, nor should it.

Unfortunately, yesterday, Councilman Robinson in political desperation seized
upon this incident as an opportunity to attack the police department and to
defame the office involved. Disturbingly, this blatant and reprehensible attempt
to score political points is councilman Robinson’s most recent political attack
on our police department, and as his political situation worsens, his
desperation and his attacks, increase.

I support our police department and I condemn Councilman Robinson's
statements.

Ed responded by saying something stupid. Seriously...feel free to watch his comments on WBTW. They're sad. Something about how I'm gonna fight for my constituency and if I look bad I look bad. Ed neglected to mention that if "his" constituency listened to him, how come they overwhelmingly elected Wukela mayor. That's right...despite Ed's exuberant endorsement of anyone other than Wukela (see Willis, Frank and Pearce, Rocky), "his" constituency ignored him. Perhaps it's because Ed doesn't really hold much sway with the district he represents. My favorite comment was how this is "related to Wukela's efforts to increase police presence: "he's throwing police after police out there giving these kids no other alternative."

See that red light flashing in the top left corner of your vision, Ed? It's your political career termination light. And it just went into overdrive.