Wednesday, June 30, 2010

There's no crying in baseball...

Unless you're the pitcher for a Pac-10 team that is ESPN's favorite to win and you get your ass rocked with a barrage of "duck snorts," seeing-eye singles and bloopers, setting up your team's loss and the ascension of Gamecock Baseball to the national throne.

Jimmy Duggan would be ashamed.

Gamecock Baseball...2010 National Champions. Recognize.

Hattip KFloyd.

You just can't fake crazy like this...

What's inside this box? It's not 40-lbs of rape. According to batshit crazy Republican candidate for Senate in Nevada Sharron Angle, that box is simply filled with 40-lbs of God's plan.


Seriously...when's Michelle Bachman gonna come out and smack this insane lady down? "Listen, Angle...there's only room for one retarded female Republican congresswoman on television and dammit, that's me!"

We can't wait to try out this defense in court. "Judge...Mr. X never intended to rape Mrs. Y. Unfortunately...God had other plans..."

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Gamecocks are holding out for a hero

The South Carolina Gamecocks could win the College World Series tonight. One of the best things about this exciting run through the CWS has been the fact that Carolina has had so many players man up in big spots.

Jackie Bradley Jr, Mike Roth, Blake Cooper, Christian Walker, Bobby Haney...the list goes on. Who will it be tonight? We don't know. But to get you in the mood, we offer the video below. If a little Bacon dancing through empty factories doesn't do it for you...what will?

Photo: Gerry Melendez/The State

Imperial Man's Best Friend...

The AT-AT. They're loyal, provide unconditional love, and a platform capable of withering barrages of laser-cannon fire...

Hattip Thank You, Internet

No-Talent eye candy marries Peach Pit After Dark DJ...

WWTDD has post up this morning reporting that no-talent hottie Megan Fox got hitched this past weekend to no-talent has been Brian Austin Green. Apparently, they have decided to form a union and see just how talentless their offspring could be.

Really??? David "Effing" Silver? Donna's boyfriend? This guys career high was DJ'ing at the Peach Pit After Dark. This may be the biggest upset since App State beat Michigan in the Big House.

Every minute you don't tell us why you're here, I cut off a finger.

Yours or mine?



We're wondering if we broke these Russian spies the same way the Russians came at Emmett Fritz-Hume.

Word has it, we cracked their scrambled, microwave transmissions (they were using a simple polyphoneticly grouped twenty square digit key, transposed from booster verdonic form, with multiple nulls) by using a Drogen's Decoder Wheel that we found in a Lucky Charms cereal box.

Here's a photo of one of the Russian deep cover agents.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Coach Tanner Pwns! Clemson in Omaha

7:30 we come. Make sure you tune in and root the Gamecocks on in their quest to capture Ray Tanner his first National Championship.

We like this team's chances better than the '02 team. In '02, we were a little more dependent on the long-ball. This team is scrappier and can manufacture runs. They'll need to. UCLA has three studs they can trot out to the mound in this best of 3 series, anyone of which could be on and shut down a team all by their selves.

In the meantime, let's have once last bit of enjoyment at the expense of our upstate rivals. Yes...Ray have PWNED! Clemson in Omaha. Perhaps you should takeover the football team. Hell...perhaps you should, as our friends at The Big Picture tweeted this weekend, run for governor.

Do you like BBQ and Blues?

And are you an attorney looking for a fun way to knock out some of your CLE requirements? If so, have we got a deal for you...

Friday, July 9, the South Carolina Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers (SCACDL) will be hosting our annual "Blues, Bar-B-Q and Bar CLE" in Greenwood, SC. SCACDL puts on this CLE every year to coincide with Greenwood's Festival of Discovery. If you're not familiar with that festival, it's a huge deal in the BBQ world, because it is a Kansas City Barbecue Society sanctioned and SC State Championship cook-off. Last year, Food Network was present and shot an episode of their Food Network Challenge show. There were over 80 teams from 8 states present to get their cook on.

In addition to the BBQ, the CLE also coincides with Greenwood's Blue Cruise festival. So after getting your CLE on, you can fill your fork with pork while listening to some of the South's best blues bands. This year the line-up features SC blues favorites such as Shrimp City Slim, Drink Smalls, Wanda Johnson along with a host of out-of-state talent that will have you singing the blues late into the evening.

C. Rauch Wise lines up the legal talent for this CLE every year and Rauch always does a helluva job. This year, the theme is experts. We have Barbara Bergman, former President of NACDL and co-counsel on the Terry Nichols case, to present on the topic of impeachment. Steven D. Benjamin (no...not Mayor Benjamin), the Second Vice President of NACDL will be teaching us how to use the NAS report "Strengthening Forensic Science in the United States" to impeach many of the experts we run across in our practice. BTPC's own Man of the Year for 2009 and the first recipient of SCACDL's Champion of Justice award, William S. McGuire, will present on "Eviscerating Everyday Expert Myths (Rules of the Road)." Derek J. Enderlin will present on a topic near and dear to anyone who has ever been appointed to a criminal case: how to find funding. Our man in Charleston, Tim C. Kulp will help you learn how to keep out expert testimony from government witnesses.

Finally, we will have a panel discussion with Michael H. Lifsey, L. Morgan Martin and Lorri Proctor where they will discuss cases where they were able to grab some impressive wins, so that maybe we can all figure out what is working and what isn't.

The CLE is for 6.5 hours (with 1 hour of ethics). Registration fee is $180 before July 2, $200 after July 2. You can get a $25 discount if you join SCACDL (which if you are not a member of SCACDL and you practice whatsoever in the criminal defense field, you are missing out on the best tool for criminal defense attorneys there is: the SCACDL listserv. Worth the price of admission and then some). If you have any question, please feel free to contact SCACDL Executive Director Teresa Edmonds at (803) 929-0110 or

As usual, we will be in Greenwood Thursday night through Saturday. Hope to see you there.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Reykjavik votes None of the Above

Back in the mid-80s, an aging minor league baseball pitcher took the political world by storm and shook up politics by running for Mayor of New York City under the premise of having city residents vote for "none of the above." Monty's true goal was to blow through $30 million in 30 days in order to inherit $300 million.

Apparently, the citizens of Reykjavik, Iceland picked up the gauntlet laid down by Monty Brewster. In May, the city of 320,000 elected comedian Jon Gnarr as mayor and gave his 6 Best party (get it) 6 seats on the 15-member city council. Gnarr and his fellow Best Party members (described as a who's who of the Icelandic punk rock scene) now must figure out a way to deliver on their campaign promises of a polar bear display for the zoo, free towels at public swimming pools and Disneyland at the airport. Oh...he also pledged a drug-free Parliament by 2020, but lets not get crazy.

One way Gnarr will not be fulfilling those promises, is by working with anyone who has not watched all 5 season of The Wire, as he has wisely made that a predicate to any member wishing to join his coalition. Wise move. A wiser move was probably the campaign video below. Well played, Mayor Gnarr. Very well played.

Reason #17 why Kevin Kolb will be taking 95% of the Eagles snaps

Michael Vick loves him some cake. In fact...he ain't about to be havin' nobody disrespect his cake neither. Not even fellow dog-fighting, federal-time-servin, childhood-friend-bein' co-defendants like Quanis Phillips.

Seems Quanis made the mistake of messin' with Vick's birthday cake. Or talkin' about messin' with Vick's birthday cake. Or maybe being a target to get hit in the face with Vick's birthday cake. Anyway you cut, Quanis was in trouble. See...messing with Vick's cake is like messin' with his emotions. He don't play that shit.

So Quanis had to get got. And he did. Don't make no never mind that the shit might get Vick thrown out the league. He don't care about the league. He just cares about his cake. So...a lesson to all you fools: don't be messin' with Mike Vick's cake. You heard?

The terrorists secret weapons? Babies

We thought Rep. Louis Gohmert (R-TX) was crazy after he took to the floor of Congress to profess his love of Thomas Sowell and his retarded op-ed piece that drew comparisons in President Obama's obtaining the $20 Billion BP fund to Hitler's policies for taking control of Nazi Germany. As prime an example of Goodwin's law as you'll find, with intellectual heavyweights such as Sarah Palin leaping aboard the Sowell bandwagon right along with Gohmert.

We chalked it all up to Gohmert simply being crazy. But now, with his latest concerns over terrorist babies, we're wondering if Gohmert is really so sane that he's blowing our mind. We asked our friends Jerry and Cosmo to debate the issue. We captured their debate below.

Why Sanford veto'd the arts funding

We've managed to obtain exclusive footage of the debate from last week concerning Governor Sanford's vetos, in particular the arts funding. (Pay no mind to the caption on the picture...C-Span misidentified state Senator Howell Tankerball of Lexington as being a Dixiecrat from Georgia. Understandable mistake).

Anyway...the pertinent part of the video is the first 1:22 or so. Enjoy.

Friday, June 25, 2010


Not long after the US Soccer team pulled out their dramatic win over Algeria, Playmate Karissa Shannon stepped out of her house to grab the mail. A wave of patriotism immediately swept across the nation. Let's keep it going.

Go USA. Beat Ghana.

Hattip WWTDD

BTW...we're proud to offer our exclusive Worldcup mobile phone holder version 2.0 (version 1.0 here):

Palin, W and the "27 Percenters"...

NBC and The Wall Street Journal have a poll out that shows George W. Bush and Sarah Palin are liked by the same percentage of Americans. Shocker, right?

The Quitter:
Very Negative/Somewhat Negative – 43%
Neutral – 24%
Very Positive/Somewhat Positive – 29%

The Decider:
Very Negative/Somewhat Negative – 50%
Neutral – 21%
Very Positive/Somewhat Positive – 29%

We believe it isn't just the same percentage of Americans who like both Palin and W. We believe it's actually the same people. Who are these Americans? Are they retarded? Well...they're 27-pecenters:

"27 Percenters: those Americans who will predictably vote against their own best interests. In his seminal post on the Crazification Factor, John Rogers used the 2004 Obama/Keyes senate race as a measure: “Keyes was from out of state, so you can eliminate any established political base; both candidates were black, so you can factor out racism; and Keyes was plainly, obviously, completely crazy. Batshit crazy. Head-trauma crazy. But 27% of the population of Illinois voted for him. They put party identification, personal prejudice, whatever ahead of rational judgement. Hell, even like 5% of Democrats voted for him. That’s crazy behaviour. I think you have to assume a 27% Crazification Factor in any population.”

But as Firedoglake points out:

Adolf Hussein Obamastalin’s numbers are 47 positive/40 negative – meaning he’s 60% more popular than both The Quitter and The Decider.

Why does Real America hate America?

Another factor in the immigration debate: Roundup Resistance

Last month, we documented our issues with immigration reform. Namely, that it was foolish to think it would ever really happen, given our country's dependency on two vital cogs of our capitalism: Cheap goods and cheap labor. About the time we wrote that, we were on the road and listening to NPR (yes...we're commies) and caught a very interesting program on an issue that is threatening American farmers: Roundup Resistance.

No...we aren't talking about illegal field hands running from INS patrols. The term "Roundup resistance" refers to the phenomenon of weeds becoming immune to the widely-used herbicide introduced in the 1976 by Monsanto: Roundup.

When Monsanto introduced Roundup in 1976, "it was like the best thing since
sliced bread," said Garry Niemeyer, who grows corn and soybeans near Auburn in
central Illinois.

When the weed killer Roundup was introduced in the
1970s, it proved it could kill nearly any plant while still being safer than
many other herbicides, and it allowed farmers to give up harsher chemicals and
reduce tilling that can contribute to erosion.

To make Roundup work even better, Monsato introduced roundup-resistant crop seeds. This way, farmers could plant their corn and soybeans and spray Roundup on the emerging crops to wipe out the weeds coming up right along with the crop. 90% of the soybeans and 70% of the corn and cotton in the United States comes from Monsato's Roundup Ready seeds.

The problem arises from the fact that you can't keep mother nature down. She overcomes. She adapts. She improvises. She is very much like one of Gunny Highway's recon marines and what had happened is...the weeds are evolving and becoming resistant to Roundup.

Ok. So what, 'Pine? What's that got to do with immigration reform? of the big benefits we have gained over the last 30+ years of using this modern herbicidal miracle is that it has drastically decreased the amount of manual labor needed to farm. You know what you don't see a lot of any more? Field hands in the field (unless it's pickin' time).

Think on it. We live in the south. When's the last time you saw a bunch of folks out in these huge corn and soybean fields hoeing weeds, like in the pic above? Anyone? Bueller?
You haven't. That kind of scene has become ancient history. So, who pray tell, is gonna do this manual labor as mother nature continues to evolve? We're gonna put a guess out there and predict it ain't gonna be a lot of those who are clamoring the loudest right now for every other state in the Union to follow Arizona's lead. And in a lot of places, that's gonna be the main solution. Environmental problems related to erosion are gonna keep farmers from just going back to tilling up weeds. That simply can't be done in large parts of the country. No...the answer is going to be our farming industry evolving as well with the use of cover-crops AND the return of more basic manual labor to our food-generating efforts.

There is a high likelihood that the need for manual labor is only going to increase in our farming industry in the future. This is an issue that needs to be considered as the argument over immigration reform continues.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Dallas to ban Dez White's mama from Super Bowl XLV?

Somebody get Deion Sanders on the phone. This just ain't right.

Arlington police have been cracking down on prostitution in the entertainment district – home of Cowboys Stadium – for several years. Now, they’re looking to keep hookers and johns from returning.

The City Council is scheduled to receive a briefing Tuesday afternoon about creating a Prostitution Exclusion Zone. The ordinance would set boundaries that people convicted of prostitution-related offenses would not be allowed to cross, except in limited circumstances. The exclusive zone would last for one year.

The proposed zone includes a large section of north Arlington, including Cowboys Stadium, Six Flags Over Texas and Rangers Ballpark in Arlington. That area also includes stretches filled with bars and cheap motels that have attracted drugs, prostitution and other crime for year.

Say it ain't so. This is the Cowboys, for crying out loud. Are we the only one who remember the "White House" for crying out loud?

Jason Segel has a proposition for you

We're big HIMYM fans, so we eagerly clicked on the link for this article in which Segel offers up his ideas on how to end the show (lets just say he's a big LOST and Post-Apoc fan).

That link led us to to the video below, which we feel obligated to post for all of our female readers. And for the bi-curious male readers as well. Enjoy.

Call it a comeback: LaRusso goes Zabka...

Trying to stage a comeback at 48 isn't easy if you're a nice guy. That's why Ralph Macchio is embracing his inner Billy Zabka. Let's just say, the long-time Miyagi-do Karate member is looking to join Cobrai Kai. No Mercy...

We give you:

Wax On, F*ck Off with Ralph Macchio from Ralph Macchio

Hattip Jaime.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Unicorns exist! Spawn legal action and delicious food product.

Think Geek thought they were having a little harmless fun when they came up with their recent gag of canned Unicorn meat and billed it as "the new white meat." The National Pork Board didn't think so, sending a 12-page cease and desist letter telling them to stop infringing on their slogan.

From their press release in response, ThinkGeek has picked up the gauntlet:

"It was never our intention to cause a national crisis and misguide American citizens regarding the differences between the pig and the unicorn," said Scott Kauffman, President and CEO of Geeknet. "In fact, ThinkGeek's canned unicorn meat is sparkly, a bit red, and not approved by any government entity."

Well played, sirs. Well played indeed.

Looks like someone got loaded and wanted a tall stack of Johnny Cakes...

Our favorite closeted, homosexual television mobster was popped for DUI this month in Florida. Joseph Gannascoli, Vito from The Sopranos, was arrested in Tampa after cops saw him driving erratically.

The BTPC has obtained exclusive footage of Vito's activities in the bar that led to his arrest (along with some additional footage of its aftermath).

(You gotta love the reaction of everyone from 1:50-2:07)

Have SC Republicans been tossing their Alvin Greene rocks from a glass house?

National and local Republicans have taken great joy, and rightfully so, at the train wreck that was the SC Democratic US Senate race. However, two blogs came out with stories today showing it might not be such a good idea for stone throwers being so smug.

FITSNews had a post today reporting how GOP Superintendent of Education candidate Elizabeth Moffly should not have been on the primary ballot for failing to file her Statement of Economic Interest on time. Opps.

The Politics of Jamie Sanderson went further, reporting on a press release from SC Democratic Party Chair Carol Fowler, which points out that at least 6 Republican candidates failed to file their Statements of Economic Interests in time and, as such, may not be eligible for the November ballot.

Among the affected Republicans are Lt. Governor candidate Bill Connor, Attorney General candidate Alan Wilson, and incumbent Comptroller General Richard Eckstrom. Republican State Superintendent of Education candidates Elizabeth Moffly and Mick Zais and Adjutant General candidate Bob Livingston also failed to comply with the law within the time allowed.


So...if you're keeping score at home, here's how it breaks down: SC Democrats do a crap job of recruiting and vetting candidates. SC Republicans do a crap job of complying with state ethics laws. Considering the fact that one of those two has controlled this state for the last 8 years and we're pretty much in the crapper, is it really that hard to see which failing is a bigger problem?

Lord-Wilson campaigns in search of "seconds"

Just this morning, The Washington Post had an article in which they humorously accused both Lord and Wilson of being "derelict in their duty to produce tabloid fodder." All in all, it was a nice piece for both candidates, detailing the relatively genteel nature of their race compared to the rest of our state's campaigns. Although...we don't think it does wonder's for the "daddy's boy" attacks that have been hurled at Wilson to have the Post describe his father's involvement in his boy's personal life the way the article plays it.

Nevertheless, we suppose due to each candidate not wanting to be considered soft after that Post piece, the two campaigns have elected to commence a "duel" at 4:30 pm this afternoon on Gervais Street. According to John Monk's write up in The State, the South Carolina Supreme Court is scheduled to hold an emergency hearing today to see whether or not a third party ad attacking Wilson can be aired. On Saturday, Wilson's camp managed to get a temporary restraining order prohibiting the airing of the ad issued by Circuit Judge Knox McMahon. On Sunday, the SC Supreme Court overturned that TRO and scheduled this afternoon's hearing.

So what's the big deal?

The 30-second ad attacks Wilson for flunking the bar exam and criticizes him for being a Congressman’s son. Alan Wilson’s stepfather is Joe Wilson, a Republican congressman from Lexington famous for shouting “You lie,” during a speech by President Obama in 2009.

In legal papers filed with the Supreme Court, Wilson’s campaign notes that already the Truth Squad has spent at least $59,000 on the ads, which it has aired in “multiple media markets” throughout the state.

A “serious question” exists about whether the ads comply with transparency standards in state ethics law, and the only remedy is the immediate banning of the ads, since they have the potential to do “irreparable harm” to Wilson’s campaign, Wilson’s campaign asserts.

So what will happen this afternoon? Who knows. The only thing we can hope for, is that upon issuing their ruling, the Supremes will announce: "That will be all, gentleman, good day." At which point we hope the losing party seeks to push the issue by starting to talk again at which point the Court declares: "We said GOOD DAY!" and walks out.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

If my calculations are correct...

when this baby hits 88're gonna see some serious shit. Last night, Darth Vader came down from planet Vulcan and told us that if we didn't take Lorraine out that he'd melt our brain. Then lo & behold, on our way back from Columbia today, we passed him on I-20.

How sad is it that seeing this bad boy made our weekend. The license plate says "BTTFCOM," which is a Back to the Future website.

The only question we really had when we passed it was what it was doing on a road, because where they're going, they don't need roads.

BP CEO Hayward to the haters: I'm on a boat bitch!

Our national nightmare is over. BP CEO Tony Hayward has finally managed to get his life back, since having his duties with the Gulf Oil Spill terminated by BP's Board. And exactly what is Tony's life? It's sitting on the Isle of Wright, watching his yacht, BOB, compete in the JP Morgan Asset Management Round the Island race.

This news confirms two unassailable facts for us. The top two jobs in the world where performance has absolutely no effect on job security are as follows: 1) Being Tony Hayward's PR advisor. 2) Being the Chair of Tony Hayward's Yacht naming committee.

Hey, Tony, maybe someday, the oil will stop and you'll stop "f*cking Dolphins. Afterall, like Kevin Garnett...anything is possible!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Celebrate Freedom & Emancipation. Vote Pat Gibson-Hye this Tuesday...

June 19th is an important date in history, as it marks the date in 1865 that Union troops arrived in Galveston, Texas and announced to the people of Texas that the Emancipation Proclamation was gonna apply to them too.

Here in Florence, "Juneteenth" has a little bit of a different history thanks to Councilman Ed Robinson. Back in 2008, Robinson got $7400 from the then City Council to host a Juneteenth festival in Florence. If you don't remember attending that Juneteenth festival, maybe it's because the festival didn't take place until August 23, 2008. Or maybe part of it did take place in June as Robinson has never seemed too sure himself. Coincidentally, the festival took place about two weeks after people (namely Larry Smith with The Community Times) started wondering what happened to the money awarded for the festival. When those questions started being asked, Robinson certainly didn't offer up any specific date, simply saying it would be held "in August."

Then, the festival gets set up, with the press appearing to being informed about day beforehand. Robinson subsequently submitted "receipts" which he says shows his festival cost about $14,000. (Interesting that the receipts "document" the band costing $7500 when just days before in remarks to the press, Robinson stated the band cost almost $6000).

Uh...maybe Robinson really did have the festival "rescheduled" before people started asking questions. Then again, maybe he scrambled to throw something together to cover his ass once Larry Smith and The Community Times sunk their teeth into it. We do know that his "receipts" were so convincing that not even Robinson's old council, chaired by his buddy, "the most progressive black mayor," Frank Willis wanted to touch funding for the festival again.

So, East and North Florence, 3 days after Juneteenth, you'll have to the opportunity to get rid of a representative that has given the festival a bad rap here in Florence. Vote Pat Gibson-Hye in Tuesday's runoff.

BP introduces new point man on Gulf Spill

This week, British Petroleum announced that CEO Tony Hayward was gonna "take the next few plays off" when it comes to dealing with the Gulf Oil Spill mess. looks like Tony is gonna "get his life back." That or his cohorts at BP decided they couldn't stand in the way of true love, so they're giving Tony some extra free time to spend with his lover, Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX).

We think it was obvious Hayward would be yanked at some point. It is no coincidence that BP made this decision AFTER this week's congressional hearings. Why get stank on someone else, when Hayward already stinks to high heaven?

The real news is who BP hired to replace Hayward: Edward Longshanks, Hammer of the Scots. Already, we have learned of Longshanks' decree reinstating Prima Noctra on the Gulf Coast. But never fear...we've also learned that Harry Connick, Jr. has pledged to unite the clans. They can poison our shores for decades, but they can never take...our freedom.

One year later...How about we all take a little hike?

Looking for something fun to do this weekend? How about a nice little hike along the Appalachian Trail? We were reminded yesterday that it was one-year ago that SC began our year-long descent into Comedy Central fodder when the Love Guv himself decided to go off the reservation and give us all a new euphemism for stepping out.

So...if you get the chance this weekend, we recommend you do a little hiking. For some, that may entail lacing up the boots real tight and marching through the woods. For others, it may be lighting some candles, putting on some Barry White and "digging a few holes with the backhoe in the early morning light." Either way, try to spend some time with your soul mate. And remember to disable your GPS transponders...

Hattip Quinn, The Big Picture.

New this fall: Purgatory Heat

We managed to get our hands on screener of ABC's new cop show for this fall. You may recognize the characters, Sawyer and Miles from LOST. The new show is called "Purgatory Heat." Here's the tag: One's a tough, wise-cracker hiding a broken heart. The other is a loyal, ghost-whispering jokester. Together, they're taking on crime in Purgatory, one case at a time. Some more stills are below.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Ain't no party like an election protest party...

cuz an election protest party don't stop.

Photo by Tracy Glantz/

Last evening, the SC Democratic Party Executive Committee voted to deny Judge Vic Rawl's protest of the primary election between Rawl and Kaiser Soze impersonator Alvin Greene. Are we surprised?

Yesterday afternoon, we predicted via Twitter: "Absent convincing proof of fraud in candidacy, not in votes, elections upheld." So as soon as we heard Rawl's team start talking about votes and the polling machines, it was all over but the shouting. Basically, Rawls team put forward evidence they felt showed errors in the vote tallies, which were eventually referred to as "statistical anomalies." At least one way they tried to prove those anomalies was to compare the voter preference difference between the paper absentee ballots versus the electronic votes. That dog just doesn't hunt. Newsflash, people who go to the trouble of getting paper absentee ballots are generally speaking, going to be a little more informed as voters. They are obviously interested enough to go through the added steps of voting absentee, so they are more likely to know all the candidates than other folks. Obviously, we still don't know much about Alvin Greene, so that proclivity for more knowledge would make them more likely to recognize Judge Rawl's name and select it on the ballot.

The problem with their argument, was that Rawl's camp could not tell you what had occurred or how many votes had been affected. More to the point, when specifically asked the simple foreseeable question of: If these machines had all these problems, how will it be any different if you have a runoff next week with these same machines. Their answer? Well...we think and hope such statistical anomaly does not happen again. Sorry, but there is no way that argument is strong enough to discount the thousands of votes that were cast and have another election. That argument is basically asking for "do-over." And no matter how much we are all embarrassed by the Greene primary victory, we don't throw out elections over embarrassment. We learn from embarrassment and try to not get embarrassed again.

So what can we learn from the Alvin Greene candidacy?

1) the SC State Democratic party has problems. First, the party does not do a good job recruiting or vetting candidates. Second, the party does a horrendous job of introducing the electorate to our candidates. All candidates should have to take part in at least one debate and the Party must push to make those debates available to voters (tv, online video, newsletters, emails with transcripts, candidate brochures citing answers and issue stances, etc).

2) Candidates cannot take things for granted. Yesterday we heard Rawl's campaign manager, Walter Ludwig, argue they did not overlook Alvin Greene. That he was ready to come out and track everything Greene did and counter it, but Greene didn't do anything. Well...maybe Ludwig is right. Maybe they didn't take Greene for granted. But they damn sure took the primary for granted. Perhaps, if we don't look through hindsight, a lot of us would have made that same mistake. But it's one that no Democratic candidate should ever make again.

3) Drop the conspiracy theories on HOW Greene won. Listen...we think there will very likely be information that comes out after the inevitable investigations into Greene's candidacy that may very well show there was some chicanery behind Greene running. But the grand conspiracy theories floating around about placing him on the ballot than hacking the machines to get him elected? It's about as realistic as the Kenyan Manchurian Candidate that the tin-foil wearing tea partiers swallow.

Let's take a look at what such a conspiracy would entail. Say we are a crazy, right-wing cabal bent on world domination. We'll just call ourselves "Focus on the Family." Kidding! Not. Maybe. Anyway, we've managed to hack the Diebold machines and think we can rig an election. We want to do it. We think we can do it. So why on earth would we tip our hand by picking a guy who seems semi-retarded, who's win would draw national attention and who would be winning in a Democratic primary where the chances of knocking off "one of our own" are minuscule? We wouldn't. We'd test it out in small election where the result wouldn't be as noticeable then we'd roll it out big-time in 2012 to take out our mortal enemy, Obama.

None of that makes sense. So why we think someone likely put Greene up as a Republican place marker-type play, that's about it.

4) Democrats should drop the "I refuse to support sexual predator Alvin Greene and call on good humans to do likewise" crap. Take a moment to think about the guy you're hitting with this. First, no one other than the alleged victim in the incident has the right to call Greene that at this point. She knows firsthand what happened and if she wants to call him that, ok. But the man is innocent until proven guilty. More specifically, watch him on those videos. Does that look like a man who is "all there" mentally? Dude seems to have some kind of mental problems. If that's the case, you are in essence, picking on the kid from the short bus. Give it a rest.

5) We all, Republican and Democrat alike, have been blessed with a new term: pulling an Alvin Greene. It means not really trying, or inexplicable fortune (usually good, but can be used for bad). Examples:

-"Hey'd you score those sweet luxury box seats for the game?"
"Don't know, man...I Alvin Greene'd 'em."

-" better get to work on your TPS reports. Lumberg is gonna be pissed."
"No problemo...I'm just Alvin Greening 'em"

-"How did Hannerhan get that promotion?"
"I have no idea...all his ass does is Alvin Greene it all the time."

Thursday, June 17, 2010 don't have to write-off your close friend...

Poor Jakie Knots. All he was doing was being his regular, redneck self and he catches all kinds of flack. We tend to agree with Jakie that his Lexington County GOP persecutors wouldn't be flogging him publicly if he had limited his "raghead" slur to the President and not included Nikki "Boom Boom" Haley.

But being hip-deep in the Governor's race ain't enough for Jakie. No, seems he's been drug smack-dab into the middle of the Attorney General's race as well. Seems Alan Wilson was a little slow to take Jakie off his list of endorsers. Wilson's camp sent out an email the same day Jakie decided to be Jakie on the internets radio. Yet despite the national press coverage, it took Wilson 8 days to address the issue. Wilson tried to explain the delay by saying he's "very busy" with "traveling the state" and "being with the people of South Carolina." Uh...that's lame.

Unless Wilson was sucked into a black hole, he knew about those comments within 24 hours. More importantly, Wilson should have known people would look to see how he responded given his family's relationship with Jakie. More importantly, you would think the Wilson family would know a little something about the need to effectively deal with stupid statements made in public. But just what is the Knotts-Wilson history? Well, that's the subject of quite a bit of blogosphere conversation. Some say Alan's mother is Jakie's campaign manager. Is that true? We have no idea. Much like the travel habits of one PFC William T. Santiago, we are unfamiliar with the inner-workings of the Lexington Country political machine. However, we do know that according to a State article by Clif LeBlanc from 2007 titled "GOP Women Yield Their Political Might," the two seem pretty damn close.

Sen. Jake Knotts' public persona is of an unapologetic Bubba, a gruff guy who dishes out more guff than he takes. But this Alpha male starts each day with a 5 a.m. phone call to his closest confidant and political adviser -- one of Lexington County's staunchest and toughest GOP divas -- Roxanne Wilson.
So...what's the what? Apparently no one from the Wilson camp has ever watched Clear & Present Danger. This is how it should have gone:

Reporter: Mr. Wilson, why did it take you so long to condemn the remarks and
reject Sen. Knotts endorsement?

Wilson: Well...listen. I heard the
remarks and I found them personally offensive.

Reporter: Is it true that
Sen. Knotts is a friend of your family?

Wilson: Jakie has been a
lifelong friend of my family. Heck...he almost is family. And that's why, while
I found his remarks ignorant and offensive, I didn't right away come out and
pile on Sen. Knotts. You don't do that to family. Even if they say something
that's just shameful.

See how easy that was? Done and done. But instead, Wilson offered up some limp-ass excuse for why it took him over a week to address the issue and he made a story out of it. There's a full-out blogoshpere battle being waged over whether or not Jakie and Roxanne are still close and Wilson's camp has no one to blame for it other than themselves. Not to pile on Alan here either, but we also thought his first public comments in response to his dad's "You lie" outburst was pretty weak as well, especially considering the fact he had the whole night to come up with something.

We don't have a dog in this hunt. We know Alan. He's a nice guy. We don't know Lord, but he is thought of in the bar as a very bright guy, plus he has the most magnificent mane of any 2010 candidate. Truthfully, we don't know much about Matthew Richardson on the Democrat side either, other than he too has a very high reputation amongst the bar. All that being said, let this Jakie-Roxanne battle be a lesson to all political candidates: don't run from your associations and whenever possible, embrace them. This is the South. We've all got racist, ignorant uncles. It's a fact of life. We still like to go hunting and fishing with them. Some of us just realize they shouldn't be charting our State's course up at the Statehouse.

Talking Points Memo pays homage to "Scandal Carolina"

Josh Marshall's Talking Points Memo has a slideshow up paying homage to "classic moments in SC politics."


Seriously...someone with the Sheheen campaign should just crib this slideshow into an ad.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Yet another reason why Neil Patrick Harris is cooler than you

He get's suuuhweeeeet birthday gifts like the immunity idol from Survivor: China. We suppose it helps that NPH has got a show on CBS, but that's just another reason NPH is cooler than you. But only because his show is awesome. Charlie Sheen has a show on CBS and that doesn't make him cooler than you. However, the fact that he was in Men at Work does.

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Ayo, Science dudes...let us save you some genome mapping time

Scientists are gonna spend £27,000 to map Ozzy Osbourne's genome in the hopes of figuring out how the hell the Oz is still alive after basically being on "a bender" for over 40 years.

Let the BTPC help you out Science dudes: it's the diet of live bats that has kept the legendary Black Sabbath frontman alive.

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The BTPC offers exclusive 2010 World Cup mobile phone holder

Unfortunately, this one-of-a-kind item comes only in Paraguay's colors. However, we feel confident you will be pleased with your purchase. Click the link below for more "product views."

And you want to be our latex salesman...

If anyone can watch this video and explain to us what the hell Sarah Palin is saying, we'd sure appreciate it.

Seriously...this woman was the Republican candidate for vice-president two years ago and is currently the "star" of the right in the country and even Bill O'Reilly visibly shows incredulity at how stupid her remark is (check his face when asking her if she doesn't think stopping the gusher has been his #1 priority).

But more to the point, watch how she has absolutely nothing to add to the discussion other than ridiculous accusations against the President. I thought she was for "less" government and cutting wasteful spending, yet she thinks we should be out there sinking money into every idea somebody has about how to plug the hole.

The Dutch...they've got the dikes...Seriously, this is what passes as thought for this woman. What a buffoon.

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