Thursday, September 22, 2011

Week 3: Shiny Happy Picks

Many moons ago, before Michael Stipe started dressing like a cross between Col. Sanders and one of the bad drug kingpins from an episode of Miami Vice, R.E.M was one of the most influential bands around. We still remember going to see them live at the Coliseum in Columbia for the Green Tour back in 1989. Not only were they really good, but the exposed us to another native Georgia band, Drivin' n Cryin'. Life's Rich Pageant and Document remain two of our favorite albums. There's probably not a single kid who grew up in eighties who was not somehow influenced in their current musical tastes by the boys from Athens.

So it was with some sadness that we saw the news that the band had officially called it quits this past week. Truth be told, it's not shocking.'s probably more shocking that they were still "together." But in honor of their contribution to our lives, we've decided to pay our respect by using REM songs to help out with the picks. Enjoy.

But first...a little music. Here's Eddie Vedder helping them out on our favorite REM song:

BILLS (+8.5) v. Pats
And the train conductor says
"Take a break Driver 8, Driver 8 take a break - Driver 8

Good night the Pats offense has been on fire. Specifically, Tom Brady has been on fire. How awesome if Tom Brady? Uh...he dumped Bridget Moynahan to marry supermodel Gisele. Brady can't keep this pace up. He'd shatter every record known to man. And we can't have that, because most of those were set by Dan Marino, the greatest passer to ever live. Pat's win it, but don't cover.

BTPC pick = Bills taking the 8.5

Titans (-6.5) v. BRONCOS
That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion - Losing My Religion

Of course, this lyric is dedicated to Timmy Tebow. Tebow was supposed to take over this team. The Broncos shopped Kyle Orton and only kept him when no one would meet their high asking price picks-wise. Orton promptly proceeded to outplay Tebow in camp (as did Brady Quinn) and Tebow was regulated to 3rd stringer.

It's time Tebow embrace the fact that maybe he is not a NFL QB. He could be a great TE. Set aside the ego, lose the religion and play whatever position can get you on the field and help the team win, Timmy.

BTPC pick = Broncos getting the 6.5

Texans (+4) v. SAINTS
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool. - Man On the Moon

In a lot of ways, this is really might just be the Texans first real game. The Colts are at best a bad ACC team without Manning. Then Miami illogically put Nolan Carroll on Andre Johnson and continued to be helpless at home. Something tells me Sean Payton is gonna have something up his sleeve for the Texans D.

BTPC pick =Saints laying the 4.

Dolphins (+3) v. BROWNS
If you are confused check with the sun
Carry a compass to help you along
Your feet are going to be on the ground
Your head is there to move you around, so...Stand in the place where you live - Stand

The Dolphins are definitely confused. They can't win at home and their D, top 10 last year and thought to be poised to jump to top 5 status this season has quite simply stunk. Quite frankly, if Sparano doesn't get a win, he is in danger of losing this team. The players aren't saying that, in fact their allegedly fully behind the Coach, but once the fans turn on the team (which is close to happening), all bets are off. The Dolphins are way more talented than the Browns. They're getting 3 points. And they proved to be road warriors last season. This is a lock.

BTPC pick =UPSET SPECIAL Dolphins. We don't need the points, we don't want the points...but we're taking the 3 points.

Lions (-3.5) v. VIKINGS
We are young despite the years we are concern
We are hope despite the times
All of the sudden, these days
Happy throngs, take this joy wherever, wherever... - These Days

So the young Lions offense everyone thought was poised to take off appears to be doing just that.

BTPC pick = Lions laying the 3.5

EAGLES (-7) v. Giants
Not everyone can carry the weight of the world. -Talk About the Passion

The Eagles are learning that despite all the "Dream Team" talk, they are only as good as Michael Vick's health. Last week, Vick got his bell rung good enough he was allegedly vomiting on the sidelines. Sounds like a pretty good concussion to me. Yet they're saying he will play Sunday. How the hell is that happening? If he does play, Vick will supposedly use one piece of equipment he didn't last week: a mouthpiece. It's stupid that any football player does not use a mouthpiece. It should be required. Along with all the other pads we all wore as kids (thigh pads, knee pads, that butt-bone pad, etc.). If the NFL is really concerned with the health and safety of its players, they'd step up and make wearing all this safety gear required. If everyone had to wear it, no one could claim the other person was getting any advantage by not wearing it to be "faster" (a phenomenon I blame on Ed McCaffery, the lanky white WR who tried to wear as little padding as possible claiming it at least made him "feel" faster).

BTPC pick = Giants getting the 7.

PANTHERS (-3.5) v. Jaguars
Smack, crack, bushwhacked.
Tie another one to the racks, baby - Drive

The Jaguars have named Blaine Gabbert their starter this week. The Jaguars have now had 3 QBs as named starters in like 16 days or so (going back to Garrard being the "starter" right up until Del Rio cut him on the eve of the season). Meanwhile, Cam Newton is tearing shit up.

BTPC pick = Panthers laying the 3.5

Packers (-3.5) v. BEARS
A simple prop to occupy my time - The One I Love

It almost seems like Aaron Rodgers is toying with defenses. Maybe he had that Championship Belt made to simply occupy his time.

BTPC pick = Pack laying the 3.5

RAIDERS (+3) v. Jets
I believe in what you do
I believe in watching you
It's what you do - Turn You Inside Out

We're starting to believe in the Raiders. They're game. Long trip for the Jets to the West Coast. And the Raiders have probably been seeing photos of Mark Sanchez eating that hotdog on the sidelines all week.

BTPC pick = Raiders getting the 3.

BENGALS (-3) v. 49ers
Don't go back to Rockville
And waste another year -(Don't Go Back to)

Pretty much sums up Carson Palmer's decision, does it not? Too bad. This Bengals team has a good defense.

BTPC pick = Bengals laying the 3.

SEAHAWKS (+3.5) v. Cards
Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky...Don't fall on me - Fall on Me

Can you figure out why the Seahawks paid Travaris Jackson all that money? Neither can we. Of course, it ain't like the Cards are that much better. But they played with a good Skins team.

BTPC pick = Cards laying the 3.5

Ravens (-4) v. RAMS
"What's the frequency, Kenneth?" is your Benzedrine, uh-huh
I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed - What's The Frequency, Kenneth?

Seriously? What's up, B-More? You destroy the Steelers, then can't handle the Titans who needed a fluke TD pass to beat the Jacksonville Jaguars, who turned around and got destroyed by the Jets. We expect the Ravens to come out and make a statement against the Rams.

BTPC pick =Ravens laying the 4.

Steelers (-10.5) v. COLTS
The time to rise has been engaged
You're better best to rearrange
I'm talking here to me alone
I listen to the finest worksong - Finest Worksong

The Colts had definitely best rearrange. How long are they gonna ride the retiree, Kerry Collins? At some point, wouldn't it make sense to start Curtis Painter? How could it get any worse? If they said Jehovah?

BTPC pick = Steelers laying the 10.5

CHARGERS (-14.5) v. Chiefs
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. - Everybody Hurts

Man...have the Chiefs be ravaged by injuries. We'd like to thank Jamaal Charles for his contributions to the Tiger Blood Winners this year. All 10 points of them. Thanks a bunch, Jamaal. Hard to be winning in fantasy when your first round pick goes down. Pretty hard to win the actual games too without your best offensive and defensive players.

BTPC pick = Chargers laying the 14.5

BUCS (-1.5) v. Falcons
I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs - The Great Beyond

After getting rid of the 800-lb gorilla on their shoulder, which was the Vick saga last week, it may seem as if the Falcons can do anything. We think getting up for a game Bucs squad after that emotional game is gonna be tough.

BTPC pick = Bucs laying the 1.5

Redskins (+4) v. COWBOYS
Silence means security silence means approval
On Zenith, on the TV, tiger run around the tree
Follow the leader, run and turn into butter - Begin the Begin

For Tony Romo, silence about his play does kind of mean approval for how he came in last week with a broken rib and punctured lung to win the game for the 'Boys. Now, all the work isn't about HOW Romo played, rather it's about WHETHER he will play. Even if Romo plays, we like the Skins and their offense against this battered 'Boys secondary.

BTPC pick = Skins getting the 4

Last Week: 8-7-1 Upset Specials: 0-1
2011 Season Record: 16-14-2 Upset Special: 2-1
Career to date: 282-254-20

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