Here in South Carolina, we like "real" people. While we know, as a politician, you're gonna kiss our ass and we don't really care if what you say is true or not (See decades of Republican-promises leading to terrible governance of state, yet we keep handing them the keys to the car), we want that ass-kissing to not be so transparent you come off as a complete tool. It would appear Mitt Romney was not able to pull this off. The 'Pine has obtained exclusive video showing just how blatantly sad Romney's attempts to win over South Carolinian Republicans were. Warning...it's not pretty.
Now compare that shit to Newt Gingrich. Hell...Newt won by a landslide by telling people he was gonna fight against Washington Elites. Newt Gingrich...fighting...Washington Elites. Newt has truly seen the enemy and they is him.
I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.