Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Week 12 picks: Just a Game of Inches...

REDSKINS (-1) v. Vikings
We got exclusive footage of Leslie Frazier's speech to the team Tuesday. "Either we heal as a team...or we crumble." Here's to thinking the Vikes come out and claw with their fingernails for that inch. 'Cause they know that when you add up all those inches...that's gonna make the fucking difference between WINNING and LOSING...between LIVING and DYING!

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL: Vikes...BIG, but we'll take the point.

Pats (-6.5) v. LIONS
The fact that Detroit gets a Thanksgiving game every year still is one of the strangest phenomenons in the NFL. It's like a Network continually putting on its worst show at 8pm Wednesday for years. Just silly. Seriously, how many of us would remember Wayne "I am a Teenage Mutant Ninja NFL Coach" Fontes if it wasn't for this inexplicable tradition?

BTPC pick = Pats laying the 7

Saints (-3.5) v. COWBOYS
16 years ago, current Dallas HC Jason Garrett, stepped in for an injured Rodney Peete, who had stepped in for an injured Troy Aikman and led the Cowboys to 36 second half points and a surprising win over the Green Bay Packers and some young QB named "Favor" or something. We hope Garrett has fond memories of that game, because Drew Brees is gonna pick his secondary apart.

And if you don't think Reggie Bush comes back for this game, then you must not realize he remembers when Kimmy K used to back that thing up on him, before letting Miles Austin push up on it. With John Madden being retired, Kim Kardashian's ass is the closest thing you're gonna find to a Turducken in Dallas Stadium today.

BTPC pick = Saints laying 3.5

JETS (-9) v. Bengals
In case you missed it, TO has been talking a little smack back at Revis Island this week. Back in January, Revis called TO and Randy Moss "slouches." This week, after blasting his own team as "terrible" (including himself) after the Bengals just tanked the second half, squandering a 28-7 lead to lose to the lowly Bills 49-31. The Jets may get caught looking towards their AFC showdown with the Pats next week. Plus, at some point you wonder if the horseshoe the Jets have had up their asses falls out. We think the Jets win this one, but 9 points a lot. Especially when Marvin Lewis, who's job is on the line, is going up against his old assistant

BTPC pick = Bengals getting 9.

BILLS (+6.5) v. Steelers
We thought the banged up Steelers would lose to the surprising Raiders last week in Oakland. They destroyed the Silver & Black. We're tempted to take the Bills here, we could see them keeping things closer than 6.5. They showed a lot of pluck last week coming back against the Bengals. What the hell...no guts, no glory.

BTPC pick = Bills getting 6.5

TEXANS (-6.5) v. Titans
Good game to see which is better: a more talented QB or a better Head Coach. Kubiak is once again floundering in Houston, despite the fact that he has the decent fantasy-performing Matt Schaub at QB. Jeff Fisher will be rolling into his owner's hometown with unheard of rookie QB Rusty Smith. No...that's not the Chairman of Florence County Council, that's former Florida Atlantic and 6th round draft pick. Good thing for Smith he's going against the horrible Texans secondary. We expect Fisher to show he's the boss.

BTPC pick = Titans getting 6.5.

Jags (+7) v. GIANTS
The Giants got embarrassed by Michael Vick and the Eagles last week. They get revenge on the Jags this week.

BTPC pick = Giants laying 7.

BROWNS (-10) v. Panthers
The Panthers continue to suck. Browns bounce back from a bad showing against the Ravens, making the Panthers wonder why they took Jimmy Claussen instead of Colt McCoy. If ever there was a name destined to be an NFL QB, it was Colt McCoy. If ever there was a name meant to bust as a NFL QB, it was any Claussen.

BTPC pick = Browns laying 10.

RAVENS (-7.5) v. Bucs
The Bucs and the Josh Freeman bandwagons lose a few riders this week. Flacco targets Mason 20 times after their sideline brouhaha.

BTPC pick = Ravens laying the 7.5

Eagles (-3.5) v. BEARS
The most freakishly-gifted offensive player in the league (Vick), meets the most freakishly-gifted defensive player (Peppers). Vick won't escape Peppers every time and, to paraphrase Joe Louis, all he's got to do is touch him once...

BTPC pick = Bears getting 3.5.

FALCONS (-2) v. Packers
Can you say the Pack is coming on? Atlanta is really good in the Dome, but after driving a stake into the heart of his nemesis, Aaron Rogers will be carving up some bird of his on for Thanksgiving.

BTPC pick = Pack getting 2.

Dolphins (+3) v. RAIDERS
Sparano said Monday's practice was the best day of practice the Dolphins have had all year. Over the break, he and GM Jeff Ireland went through the film of the last 3 games and graded every player. Then Sparano called them in and went through the grades. Miami's offensive line is decimated. But Sparano has proven if anything, his teams are resilient and grind it out, no matter how many things are going against them. This has the makings of a low-scoring, defensive game. Our prediction? Miami is a shootout.

BTPC pick = Dolphins getting 3.

Chiefs (-2) v. SEAHAWKS
In the battle of the two best homefield advantage teams in the league, we're gonna go with...the visitor.

BTPC pick = Chiefs laying 2.

BRONCOS (-4) v. Rams
Two teams that choked in games last week they were both underdogs in, but that a lot of folks thought they would be more competitive.

BTPC pick = Broncos laying 4.

COLTS (-3) v. Chargers
We hope our fantasy team, Sexual Napalm, gets Antonia Gates back this week. We sure could use him in our attempt to wrap up a fantasy playoff bye. But Peyton Manning is coming off an embarrassing pick that lost his team a chance to tie the game and send it to OT. And he's playing at night.

BTPC pick = Colts laying 3.

CARDS (+1) v. 49ers
God...what a stinker of a Monday night game. The two best players on the field are Fitzgerald and Willis. One depends on other players to get him the ball, the other just roams around looking for people to hit. We're gonna go with that guy...

BTPC pick = 49ers laying 1.

Last Week: 8-8 Upset Special: 0-1
Season to date: 82-70-8 Upset specials 6-2-1
Career to date: 208-192-16

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