Sunday, September 11, 2011

First Sunday of Football Picks: GET. IT. ON.

As we mark the Tenth Anniversary of 9/11, we get to do so with the most American of activities: watching a Sunday slate of NFL games. They say baseball is "America's Pastime." That may be's time has past. Football is now America's passion and when it comes to professional sports, the NFL is King...and it ain't even close.

Steelers (+1.5) v. RAVENS

Ray Lewis flees from police and obstructs their ability to investigate murder…allegedly. Big Ben hires police to run blocker on bar bathrooms so he can sexually assault underage coeds…allegedly. The Ravens should win this game according to the bookies…allegedly.

We don’t want the points, we don’t need the points, but we’ll take the points.

BTPC pick = Steelers getting 1.5

BEARS (+3) v. Falcons

Last season, both these teams made the playoffs, with the Bears making it further – to the Championship Game against the eventual NFL Champion Green Bay Packers. So on paper, this would seem to be BIG early season NFC matchup. But reality ( and David Simon) tells us papers are dying. The Bears were lucky as crap last year and the Falcons should pwn them.

BTPC pick = Falcons giving the 3.

BUCS (-1.5) v. Lions

The Lions are the primma donna sleeper pick of just about everyone. The offense looks explosive. The Defense is led by a great D-line. What’s not to love? Their training staff, apparently. The surest bet on the Lions is for Stafford and Jahvid Best to NOT play in all 16 games. But they’re gonna be available for week 1.

BTPC pick = Lions getting 1.5

Bills (+6) v. CHIEFS

The Bills sucked last year. And to that suckiness, they added…Brad Smith. We liked Smith as a 3rd option WR, special teams addition in this year’s free agency class. We think the Jets are gonna miss him. Having said that, the Bills publicly talked up Smith’s ability at QUARTERBACK. Yes…you read that right, the Bills publicly bragged about Smith’s ability to be their Wildcat Quarterback. The Wildcat…a formation that is so…2008. In related news, Chan Gailey really thinks this McCain fella and that cute lady-governor from Alaska are gonna carry the Republican party over this black kid from Illinois…

BTPC pick = Chiefs giving 6.

Titans (+2.5) v. JAGS

Jack Del Rio’s significance to us used to be that he was the veteran our beloved Dolphins had brought in to play MLB, who was dumped after some kid named Zach Thomas impressed the coaches in his rookie training camp. With his cutting of David Garrard right before the season, just as he cut Byron Leftwich before him, Del Rio’s significance is he’s a douche. Since taking over the Jaguars sideline in 2003, Jack Del Rio “The Coach” is known for:

a) being one of two NFL head coaches (along with Mike Nolan) who wanted to wear a suit.
b) The “Keep chopping wood” incident, where his motivational ploy almost led his punter to chop his foot off
c) Cutting his veteran starting quarterbacks right before the season starts

Raise your hand if you think Jack Del Rio is even a “decent” head football coach. And the Titans have a happy Chris Johnson, a better quarterback than they’ve had in several years AND they’re getting 2.5 points. We smell an UPSET SPECIAL…

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL – Titans getting the 2.5

TEXANS (-9) v. Colts

The Colts have most likely lost Manning for the year. Jack Del Rio is intent on losing his team and getting fired (see discussion on Garrard, David above) and Chris Johnson held out, thus tempting the Football Gods to afflict him with the dreaded hold-out RB hamstring injury. It’s as if God Almighty himself wants the Texans to win the AFC South. Our only problem with this line, is trusting a Gary Kubiak team to meet any kind of expectation, let alone cover a 9 point spread…



Aw, hell…

BTPC pick = Texans laying the 9.

BROWNS (-6.5) v. Bengals

Did you know Browns starting QB already has “authored” a book titled “Growing up Colt”? He’s accomplished nothing, but because he’s a quarterback from Texas and named “Colt,” that’s enough to convince a publisher that Colt McCoy has got something to say that the rest of us should know.

Andy Dalton is also a Texas quarterback, but he’s got red-hair, which absolutely baffled Peter King and one of his unnamed NFL coach sources to the point of Mr. MMQB publicly wondering: “Had there ever been a red-headed quarterback in the NFL who’s really done well?

Wanna know who else has red hair? How 'bout Christina Hendricks. Guess Peter King and his unnamed NFL coach wouldn't draft her either.

Don't fear the GINGER!

You show ‘em, Andy…you do it for the GINGER…

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL #2 – Bengals getting the 6.5

RAMS (+4.5) v. Eagles

Oh…this is a popular upset pick by the pundits this week. The Eagles may think they’re a dream team, but they’re going into a dome, against a popular sleeper team everyone thinks will take “the leap” this, a team that has a pretty good young D-line and they’re doing it with a suspect offensive line.

We’re gonna buck the upset tide here and say the Eagles pull it out, the question is will they pull it off by at least 5 points? We don’t think so.

BTPC pick = Rams getting the 4.5

REDSKINS (+3) v. Giants

The Skins are starting Rex Grossman. Hey…technically, Sexy Rexy is a “superbowl starting NFL quarterback.” The Skins have that going for them, along with the fact that they’re playing at home, new addition Tim Hightower looks good for the running game, the Giants already crappy pass D is banged up and maybe Eli will be worried about big brother.

BTPC pick = Skins getting the 3.

Panthers (+7) v. CARDINALS

Let’s face it, the Panthers ain’t doing nothing this season. If that turns out to be the case, they’re gonna have a high pick in the draft. You know who’s most likely coming out next year? Alshon Jeffrey.

Can you imagine Cam Newton throwing to the Big Petro? That would be SICK.

BTPC pick = Cardinals giving the 7.

Seahawks (+5.5) v. NINERS

They should call this the bad quarterbacks bowl. Pete Carroll gave Tarvaris Jackson millions to lure him to Seattle. This was after giving the Chargers draft picks to get privilege of giving Charlie Whitehurst millions. Dear Pete…call us. We could use the money.

Just a reminder, Jim Harbaugh pwned! Pete Carroll when he was at Standford and let Carroll know it.

BTPC pick = Niners giving the 5.5

Vikings (+8.5) v. CHARGERS

We really like the Chargers this year, given Phillip Rivers did pretty well last year (as he always does) throwing to absolute shite, thanks to injuries. However, we’re also pretty intrigued by the Vikings. Specifically, we’re eager to see whether McNabb plays with a chip on his shoulder after the way things went down with the Shannahans. For the first time in his career, McNabb is in an offense with a legit rushing attack, meaning he should be able to effectively employ the play-action and go down the field. 8.5 is just too much for what should be a decent Vikes team, plus it’s early and Norv team usually blow games early in the season only to come back and win a playoff spot late before blowing that shot later.

BTPC pick = Vikes getting the 8.5.

COWBOYS (+4) v. Jets

Normally, we’d make a joke here about the best result for this game being if JERRYWORLD somehow imploded with both teams inside, since we hate both of these teams. However, we have bought into the Cowboys offensive explosion hype and our fantasy team(Tiger Blood Winners) has both Tony Romo and Dez Bryant.

As an aside, the Sanchize is taking heat for his GQ modeling in the offseason, while Tony Romo has settled down by wedding beauty queen Candice Parker. Looking at the lovely Mrs. Romo and thinking back on Tony's exes Jessica Simpson and Carrie think Tony has himself a "type" he likes? Anyone?

Granted, this Jets team is not the best matchup for us to secure a Week 1 win on the backs of our fantasy passing attack, but we’re gonna ride our fantasy team GM skills, especially getting points at home.

BTPC pick = Cowboys getting the 4

Patriots (-7) v. DOLPHINS

WARNING: complete HOMER pick. We’ve watched this new Brian Daboll offense and we like it. Remember, this is the offense that gashed the Pats last season with a lot less talent than what the Phins have. And the Phins have a top-5 defense. This time last year, Miami and Chad Henne were a popular pick to challenge the Pats. What changed? Well…Henne disappointed. But we think a lot of Henne’s problems came from the coaching. He’s looked sharp this preseason and we’re gonna go with our heart for week one.

BTPC pick = Phins getting 7.

BRONCOS (-3) v. Raiders

The Raiders lost their two best players: Na..Namad…Not playing here anymore and Zach Miller. The Broncos kept their best QB (Orton), while knocking their worst QB (Tebow) down the depth chart, albeit begrudgingly. They also get their best Defensive player back from injury (Dummervil), while adding a young stud to help him out (Von Miller). The Raiders let go a coach who had surprisingly steadied their ship, while the Broncos brought in a veteran coach who can steady theirs.

BTPC pick = Broncos giving 3.

So there you have it. Enjoy, good luck...and remember to keep a little back for rent and milk...

Last Pick, Saints getting 4, so 0-1 for 2011 so far…
2010 Playoff Record: 7-4 Upset Special: 2-0
2010 Season Record (including playoffs): 140-128-9
Career to date: 266-240-17

No comments: