Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Guess who's back...Back again...The BTPC's NFL picks are back...Tell a friend...
Slim Shady may have sang those lyrics, but they apply today to the return of our old friend, the National Football League. And with that return comes the return of your favorite NFL prognostication device: the BTPC picks column. That's right...where else can you go to get NFL game predictions that are, statistically speaking, at best the same as flipping a coin. Probably lots of places. But you're not there, you're here. Therefore, we shall give you what you want...
Dallas v. NY GIANTS (-3.5)
One game to start it off tonight. The Cowboys go to Gotham. How lucky are the Giants? They win the Super Bowl, yet every single bit of attention is focused on the Jets thanks to Rex Ryan and Tim Tebow. Tom Coughlin is living right, people.
Meanwhile, Dallas hasn't been able to put a healthy team on the field once this preseason. Laurent Robinson is gone, Dez Bryant has to BYOSS (Bring Your Own Security Squad), Miles Austin has been hobbled and Tony Romo's security blanket Jason Whitten has a lacerated spleen that has kept him from doing anything. Add on top of that the fact that the one thing the Giants do very, very well is rush the passer and the Cowboys have lost so many Centers, they traded for one for the Miami Dolphins. So in summary, Dallas is looking at having issues with hiking the ball, protecting Romo and catching the ball. That's enough to make one start to worry.
Factor in that the Giants owned the Cowboys last year, winning both games, one being the pivotal season closer that sparked the Giants Super Bowl run and that worry becomes dread.
Then...mix in the fact that Jerrah "Does My Face Look Too Tight" Jones has been talking smack about beating the Giants all off-season and that dread should become sheer panic.
We think the Giants use tonight to serve notice to the rest of the league.
BTPC pick: Giants laying the 3.5
Colts (+10) v. BEARS
Andrew Luck, Julius Peppers. Julius Peppers, Andrew Luck. Oh...did we mention Brandon Marshall is back with the only QB he's ever really loved? Or that he has a doppleganger on the other side of the formation in Alshon Jeffery. Jeffery is like Marshall with out the personality disorder.
BTPC pick: Bears laying the 10.
VIKINGS (-4) v. Jaguars
Hey, Blaine Gabbert, look on the bright side...it will be so loud in the dome, no one will hear how bad you are sucking...
BTPC pick: Vikings laying the 4.
JETS (-3) v. Bills
The Jets decided to bring in a QB who can't throw, but who brings instant controversy to pair with a QB who has failed to live up to expectations. And they brought in Tony Sparano to be the offensive mastermind who will unleash these two crackens. As a Miami Dolphins fan, let me give you Jets fans some insider scoop on Sparano: he hasn't been holding anything back. This is how bad his offense is. Enjoy...
BTPC pick: UPSET SPECIAL: Bills getting 3
TEXANS (-12) v. Dolphins
As a Dolfan, we're just hoping this team looks better at the end of the year from what they do today (which we predict will be "like shit").
BTPC pick: Texans laying 12
Rams (+7.5) v. LIONS
Jeff Fisher's mustache has gone to St. Louis. The Lions have a wealth of offensive weapons. Unfortunately none of them can run the ball.
BTPC pick: Rams getting 7.5
PATRIOTS (-6) v. Titans
We went heavy on Patriots on our Fantasy team this year. Brady, Gronk and Lloyd. That probably does not bode well for them...
BTPC pick: Patriots laying 6.
SAINTS (-7) v. Redskins
Gonna be loud for this game, as Saints fans give one long, loud and enthusiastic F*ck You to Roger Goodell.
BTPC pick: Saints laying 7.
Eagles (-9.5) v. BROWNS
This is how bad things go for the Browns: they use their first round pick on a RB, who has already undergone two "procedures" before week 1 of the season. Then their best defensive player, CB Joe Haden gets suspended for 4 games. Did I mention their rookie QB is 53-years old? It's never a great thing with the best thing to happen to your franchise in weeks is the former owner dying...
BTPC pick: Eagles laying 9.5
Falcons (-2.5) v. CHIEFS
Here's how sad things are for the Chiefs: they actually decided Romeo Crennel would be a good choice as HC, you know...because that stint with the Cleveland Browns went so well...
BTPC pick: Falcons laying 2.5.
Seahawks (-3) v. CARDINALS
The Russell Wilson era begins. Meanwhile, the Cards at least have Kevin Kolb and his contract. So there's that...
BTPC pick: Seahawks laying 3.
BUCS (+2.5) v. Panthers
Josh Freeman was the poor man's Cam Newton before Cam Newton. That Martin kid is gonna be a heckuva RB.
BTPC pick: Bucs getting 2.5
PACKERS (-5) v. Niners
Rodgers was praising Alex Smith this week. It's almost as if he's been watching tape on Smith and feels really sorry for how bad he is.
BTPC pick: Pack laying 5.
BRONCOS (+2) v. Steelers
We're not willing to bet against Peyton Manning, even if he hasn't played in a real NFL game in over a year and has, in the interim, had 4 neck surgeries.
BTPC pick: Broncos getting 2.
RAVENS (-6.5) v. Bengals
Sure would be funny if all this Ravens buzz ran into a Bengal buzzsaw and faltered. True story, Ray Lewis is 113-years old. Ed Reed's body is 4-years older...
BTPC pick: Bengals getting 6.5.
RAIDERS (-1) v. Chargers
The "Hey...I'm not dead yet" game for two NFL QBs. We'll take the one we'd rather have.
BTPC pick: Chargers getting 1.
Season to date: 0-0-0
2011 Record: 120-117-11
Career to Date: 386-361-29
at 3:33 PM