Friday, January 22, 2010

BTPC Conference Championship week picks: We come in the name of the purple and gold...

We started last week's divisional playoff round Saturday with a scorching 2-0. One of our readers informed us that they had it figured out at that point: seeing as how we are a rock solid .500 for the year, go against our picks for Sunday. That was a great idea. Unfortunately, he abandoned his brilliant plan and now will be unable to retire to Aruba. Sorry.

So if that theory holds true, which game will we get right this week? Read below and decide.

Jets (+8) v. Colts

Karma. They say she's a bitch. Well...the Colts are gonna find out the hard way. Indy started this magical run for the Jets when they pulled their starters and did not go for the perfect season. We're gonna find out just how badly they angered the football gods.

As for the Jets, well we already know the football gods are punishing us, simply by allowing the Jets this far. Jets fan's chest is all puffed out and he's getting ready to blow. If they win Sunday, Jets fan will be unbearable, almost as bad as Rex Ryan himself. Here's a fun fact though about just how "good" the Jets have been: Mark Sanchez is now tied for the franchise record for playoff wins. That's right, the Sanchize is tied with Broadway Joe. That ain't right.

But the Jets have done their fair share of thumbing their noses at the gods. It started with Rex Ryan and his teams ridiculous comments after the losses to the Dolphins. It continued with Ryan's presser where he announced his "great" team was out of the playoffs. It continued after the Colts and Bengals laid down and Rex showed his team the playoff calendar that carried them all the way to the Championship parade, after informing everyone that the Jets should be the favorites to win it all. Now, Ryan is talking about how much he likes the Jets selling AFC Championship gear, then trying to cover it by saying how all 4 teams are selling it conference championship gear. But Rexy doesn't understand that the Jets are the only team selling the gear through their own website. Now Bloomberg is getting in on the action, naming Manhattan "Revis Island" and the NY Post is defiling the memory of one of our favorite crime fighting duos with their "Fatman and Robin" moniker for Ryan and Sanchez.

You don't make fun of Bruce Wayne and his boy wonder.

We think the Jets time is up. And yes...we're gonna keep saying that until it happens. But as Cousin Sal points out, every time the Colts play their starters this year, they won. We think that this week, the Jets have loaded up on the hubris to the point that even the football gods have had enough and would rather see Gang Green put in its place over karma's retribution on the Colts. The real question here though, is the spread. Conventional wisdom certainly seems to be that the Jets will lose, but it will be close. Conventional wisdom has it half right.

BTPC pick = Colts laying the points.

Vikings (+3.5) v. SAINTS

Oh my...have you heard the song Prince did for the Vikings? After allegedly "seeing the future," Prince cut a song titled "Purple and Gold" for the Vikings. Apparently, in the future, music sucks. If that song is "the truth," the truth is crap. But this scares us. How in the hell do you go against Prince?

Easy, you go against the coach who looks like he could be the assistant manager at your third favorite fast food restaurant. And folks...that would be Brad Childress. Or as HIM likes to call his coach, "Chilly."

It's really simple. There's not doubt HIM runs the team in Minnesota. Just look at the video of him leading the team in song to "Pants on the ground," not the fighting song created by Minnesota's gift to rock 'n roll: Prince. And check out that butt slap of Jared Allen there at the end. Can't say I'm shocked by that homo eroticism given the head coach looks like a bicycle shop owning pedophile.

In New Orleans, Sean Payton brought his team back into focus after they looked to possibly be losing their mojo at the end of the regular season. Now he's signing Deuce McAllister just to lead the team out onto the field last week and let the Deuce be a part of the playoff run. Next, he's giving Jon Gruden a game ball. WTF is that about? Apparently Payton wanted to thank Gruden for giving him his first coaching gig. I also think it's because Payton and Gruden are close they've been talking all season. And who did Gruden coach for from 1992-1994? Green Bay. And who was in Green Bay then? HIM. I think Gruden has been giving his buddy Payton and his defensive coaches some help on making HIM screw up. And I think it's gonna work.

Why? Because of those football gods and karma. See, them Saints fans, they've been through some shit. Not just the fans, but that whole freakin' city. And we think its time those accounts got balanced out, setting up the Saints to be everyone's favorite underdog story for Super Bowl week.

BTPC pick Saints laying the points.

Last week: 2-2

Season to date: 126-121-7 Upset Specials 7-9-2


Mike Reino said...

Glad to see we finally agreed on something . After the couple posts I wrote this week, I was afraid you were going to tell me to stick my Abita Purple Haze up my poop chute - sideways!

pluvlaw said...

Its our differences that bring us together. You complete me...