Monday, February 8, 2010

Super Bowl XLIV Running Diary

Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints for a great win last night. How amazing was their win? They managed to defy the BTPC's rock solid .500 game picking. (Sorry, Lee). Who dat, indeed. Who knew the Saints would overcome the odds and in the process, as Simmon's tweeted last night:

I've never been happier to lose money. Welcome back to my life, the Peyton Manning Face. Welcome back. It's been too long.

In honor of the Sportsguy having the best tweet about the game, Breaking down Super Bowl 44, Bill Simmon's style.

4:17 = CBS runs a commercial for CSI: Miami in Outer Space. No...we did not make that shit up. Horatio is gonna quip his cheesy one-liners in zero gravity. You know what would be cooler? CSI: Miami in Inner Space. Wouldn't you love to see Martin Short's reactions to hearing David Caruso in his head?
Better yet...Emily Procter in zero gravity. Yowzah!

4:26 = During the pre-game show, Shannon Sharpe sings The Who's Reign O'er Me. The first official sign that these guys are loopy. Seriously, does everyone remember when Dan Rather got all stupid during elections night coverage in 2000? When will television executives realize that at some point you will reach the point of diminishing returns. For football pregame, this is true not just of length of show, but also of number of personalities. Just sayin'

4:33 = Ok...note to all parents with college-attending kids. If you call your college student and offer to send them money and they say, "No thanks...get yourself something nice," be concerned. Little Bobby and/or Susie are either selling drugs, tricking, making book, turning tricks, allowing a web cam to record their every move or they're on the pole. Word to the wise.

4:48 = Don't want to get political, but that answer by Obama about mirandizing terros suspects was just plain weak. How about dropping some Lincoln on Katie: "America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves." Bush mirandized people too, is lame. We elected you to be better than the Bush administration. Act it.

Not with those lame answers on miranda/interrogation, President Obama. How about some tough love to the simple-minded, huh? You ain't winning them over anyway. They actually think a Palin Presidency is a good thing.

5:00 = Start of the 4TH! and final hour of pregame. We think this is why the terrorists hate us.

5:15 = The first doubt we have about our pick creeps in thanks to the Phil Mickelson Callaway Diablo Driver prognostication challenge. The Saint's ball went further. Ruh...roh.

5:16 = When asked by Steve Tasker how Dwight Freeny was able to make such a miraculous recovery to the point that he is going to start, Coach Jim Caldwell cited his "running on the beach." Duh...beach running has a long history of spurring comebacks.

In fact, the BTPC has obtained exclusive coverage of Dwight and his Philadelphia-based trainer working out on the beach.

5:25 = During his interview with the greatest QB of all-time, the wanting-to-be-the-greatest QB of all time (that would be Marino, then Manning respectively) tells Dan about the decision not to go for 19-0 "I didn't defend it, I dealt with it." Ruh...Roh. That's bad vibe two.

5:48 = matter how much this angle has been played out, that interview with Brees and his wife by Couric was good. Goosebump, quality good. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe three.

6:01 = We really cannot figure out who CBS and the NFL are gearing their telecast to. You got P-Diddy (since when did Miami become "his" town?), then Jay-Z and Rhianna doing your promo music/videos, then you've got The Who playing at halftime. Cheesy.

6:10 = The team intros were weak.'s going to be hard for any Superbowl to ever top the team intros from the Rams-Patriots Superbowl. The Rams were introduced singularly, then the Patriorts were introduced as a team. We remember telling our bold boss who called us right after intros to lay heavy on the Pats. Easiest betting decision in recent memory. But...while the Saints intro to the old Chicago Bulls music, the Colts enter to the theme for CSI: Miami. CBS is obviously pulling for the Colts. This is the same network that brings you Two and Half Men. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe four.

6:19 = As Queen Latiffa sings America the Beautiful and several Saints' players mistakenly hold their hands over their hearts (We say mistakenly...but maybe some of them plan to run for President one day and they don't want FoxNews to use this footage to tar them as unpatriotic falsely), we are shown the most soulful sign language interpreter we have ever seen. Sista is FEELING the song. Word.

6:28 = Coin toss and we are hit with the urge to look up Emmit Smith's lifetime passing stats, because his toss sucks.

6:35 = After the Saints go 3 and out, the Colts take the field. Someone has a tambourine in the Stadium and it stands out on the audio. We don't know that we've heard a noise maker at a pro game. Saints fans are loud. And then Manning to Clark for a big play. We can personally attest to the fact that the Manning-Clark connection is deadly in this stadium. Trust us.

6:44 = Focus on the Family's Tebow commercial. Let us just say this: very tastefully done. If the pro-life movement conducted itself like this all the time, it would go a long way to making this extremely tough and dividing issue not such a wedge issue in this country. Pro-choice people should take note. By the way, we're thinking there's very good odds that this is Tebow's only Superbowl appearance ever.

6:51 = Colston blows a big 3rd and 7 pass. Nice hands, face. After which, Courtney Roby downs the punt at the 4. This is after Roby lit up the guy on the last punt. Halfway through the first quarter and Courtney Roby is the leader for MVP. We're thinking that won't hold up.

6:58 = TV analysts often start talking before knowing where they are going. Case in point, Phil Simms on Reggie Wayne: "after what Pierre Garcon did last week, Wayne may see a lot of more single coverage." "A lot of more single coverage." Is our children learning? We don't think so.

7:01 = Whoa...what was that glitch? Like the feed started skipping or something, then correcting itself right before Manning hooks up with Garcon for the score. 96-yard td drive ties the SB record.

7:18 = Dwight Freeny says the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Wicked one-armed take down of Brees.

7:46 = After stopping the Saints on 4th and goal, the Colts uncharacteristically go conservative. Ruh...roh. Bad vibe five.

8:17 = As Jeff Ross tweeted: "The Who's Left!" Out of tune, but that stage and lighting was cool. But man...Pete Townsend sure has come a long way for a guy caught with kiddie porn. You think he had to register with the Miami-Dade police?

8:23 = Sean Payton shows off his big, hairy ones with the onsides kick. I thought the reverse and the run over the right side at the goal line he called near the end of the first half were examples of him getting too cute. This one was ballsy. By the way, it was Hank Baskett who had a chance to recover that for the Colts. Opps. But Hank has show the ability to catch big plays. He caught Hugh's lady afterall.

Kendra Williamson demonstrates how her husband should have recovered that onsides kick. By the way...that play is called Ambush by the Saints. Appropriate.

8:30 = After the Saints take a 13-10 lead, VW hits us with the best commercial of the night, the updated version of spud. This settles a long, running debate we've had about the rules of spud in the present day. While actual VW Beatles are not that common, VWs as a whole are quite proliferate. Glad VW came out formally and addressed the situation.

8:36 = Huge 3rd and 4 pass to Dallas Clark. Peyton dropped that pass over three Saint defenders while on the run and with two more Saints defenders in the vicinity. We're gonna go out on a limb and say the Saints may want to pay attention to Clark.

8:39 = Me. Thod. Ical. Colts 17-13.

8:39 = Hartley adds a FG for the Saints. That kid is nailing them, no? Nice to see a kicker actually show up in the playoffs. 17-16 Colts.

8:51 = Okay...the Google France commercial was nice. Not only is that action heating up on the field, but Madison Avenue is showing up in the second half.

Somebody wisened up and let the boys from Sterling Cooper into the game during the second half.

9:14 = Shockey TD followed by a hell of a play on the two-point conversion by Lance Moore. Saints 24-17 and it is now apparent that Aunt Mo slipped on some beads after that onsides kick and has continued to show her tits to every balcony in the quarter.

9:32 = Tracy Porter does his best Irvin Neal Thomas impersonation: INT! Pick 6. Saints 31-17.

9:44 = After a ridiculous run call that is stuffed, it all comes down to a 4th and goal from the 6 and it's incomplete. Saints win! Drew Brees wins the MVP. He went 29 for his last 32, with two of those three incompletions being a drop and an intentional spike. That. Is. Money.

The lasting images of this superbowl will be the return of the Peyton Manning face

And the party on Bourbon Street.

For me, the lasting impression will be of Kim Kardashian leeching some of Reggie's spotlight, while wearing shoulder pads larger than his.

1 comment:

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