In case you haven't been paying attention to the Republican primary for the California Governor's race, good thing. Knowing the good, patriotic readers we have, we'd hate to for you to see the Un-American mudslinging that's going on between Steve Poizner and Meg Whitman. After Whitman ran an ad calling Poizner...*gasp*..."liberal," Poizner countered with the ad below.
Poizner might as well run an ad against Mom and apple pie. The BTPC always salutes the red, white and very blue...
I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.