Saturday, November 21, 2009

Week 11 picks: Are you in or out?

It's time for the Week 11 picks. I had to make the Dolphins-Panthers pick on the run the other day, as a friend scored us some free tickets. I did get off my pick before gametime (not here, but we did "publicize" it via FB, so we're taking credit for taking our Dolphins and the points). Two cool things about that game. First, it's only the second pro game we've attended, the first being a Miami win over the Bengals we attended with Catfish up in the Jungle. So we're 2 & o cheering the Dolphins in person...which is nice.

Second, we finally got to meet a longtime pal, Danny - check his blog here, from the Dolphins listserv that we've "known" since 1995. In case you did not know, is the oldest Miami Dolphins website in existence, and probably one of the oldest NFL sites around as well. It was created before the 1994 season by Curt Fennell. Curt's newsletter and listserv is responsible for what interest I did develop in computers and the internet. He has given folks like us a great forum to commiserate our dashed hopes and insurmountable anger year after year. On behalf of Dolfans everywhere, thanks Curt.

For this week, we figured we'd crib the Sportsguy's format of a post geared around movie quotes. So without further ado, here are the Week 11 picks. Enjoy.

Danny: You remember the day I went out for cigarettes and didn't come back? You must have noticed.
Redskins (+11) v. COWBOYS = You remember that time Tony Romo botched that snap? How about last week when the Cowboys rolled into Lambeau having just gotten a big win against the Eagles, feeling awfully good and facing a team that had just lost to the lowly Bucs? We all forgot we were getting into the latter part of November, where the pressure increases. And the only thing that bothers Tony Romo worse than the pressure of big games is Joe Simpson.

BTW, I'm really having problems believing in Tony Romo with that stupid hat I keep seeing on his noggin in interviews. Get a new lid, kid.

BTPC pick = Skins taking the points.

Rusty: Did someone call for a doctor?
LIONS (-3.5) v. Browns = Both of these teams need a doctor, stat. But you've got to think if we were triaging them at this point, we'd send the Browns onto the table first, right? At this point, being underdogs to the Lions and having Holmgren coming out and publicly saying he's interested in talking to Lerner, can things get worse for the Mangini Browns? could be going with a QB you emasculated the week after getting your best player injured at the end of a game you were out of. Eric Mangini...that blinking red light is employment termination warning indicator. And it just went into overdrive.

BTPC pick = Lions laying the points.

Rusty: Shane, you've got three pairs. You can't have six cards! You can't have six cards in a five-card game!
PACKERS (-6.5) v. Niners = This quote is for Aaron Rodgers. Aaron, my cannot hold the ball for six seconds. You are killing the team with your sacks. Get rid of the ball, man.

BTCP pick = Packers laying the points.

Basher: Hang on a minute, hang on... we could use a pinch.
Danny: What's a "pinch"?
Basher: A pinch is a device which creates, like, a cardiac arrest for any broadband electrical circuitry. Better yet, a pinch is a bomb - now, but without the bomb. See, when a nuclear weapon detonates, it unleashes an electromagnetic pulse which shuts down any power source within its blast radius. Now that tends not to matter in most cases, because the nuclear weapon usually destroys anything you might need power for anyway. But see, a pinch creates a similar electromagnetic pulse, but without the fuss of mass destruction and death. So instead of Hiroshima, you'd be getting the seventeenth century.

Steelers (-10) v. CHIEFS = The only way the Chiefs could win this game, was if Big Ben was actually a cyborg and they had a pinch. They don't.

BTPC pick = Steelers laying the points.

Tess: You know what your problem is?
Danny: I only have one?

GIANTS (-6.5) v. Falcons = The Giants have not been able to answer Tess' question, at least so far. But they've got two things going for them. First, they had a bye week to figure things out. Second, the Falcons may only have one problem, but it's a big one: Michael Turner is out. The Giants have killed us this year. If they do it again, we're swearing them off. But if Tess can give Danny one more shot, so can we.

BTPC pick = Giants laying the points.

Rusty: You'd need at least a dozen guys doing a combination of cons.
Danny: Like what, do you think?
Rusty: Off the top of my head, I'd say you're looking at a Boeski, a Jim Brown, a Miss Daisy, two Jethros and a Leon Spinks, not to mention the biggest Ella Fitzgerald ever.
BUCS (+11) v. Saints
RAVENS (+1.5) v. Colts

Two games encapsulated by one great quote. This quote is awesome because it describes exactly what both of this season's unbeaten teams will need to make it through a season unbeaten. The Colts had to rely on the much-debated Bill Belichek 4 & 2 call from last week (which we loved, btw. NFL coaches are usually risk-adverse. They play to not be second-guessed. We loved Bill's call, even if it did not work). The Saints barely survived the Rams, which is just ridiculous. The '72 Dolphins want get to pop that champagne yet...but they'll be one step closer after this week.

BTPC pick = Saints laying the points and Ravens taking the points.

Saul: Tess is with Benedict now? She's too tall for him!
Bills (+8.5) v. JAGS = A quote for two of the tiny, powerhouse backs in the league. I will have to give Primetime credit, his nickname for MGD is pretty good: Pocket Hercules. Tough game to call, because of the Jauron firing. The one bright spot for the Bill this year has been the D, which has played pretty tough. I think they really show up to for their former coordinator.

BTPC pick = Bills taking the points.

Rusty: Saul, you're the best there is. What do you want?
Saul: Nothing. I've got a duplex now, wall-to-wall, goldfish. I'm seeing a nice lady who works the "Unmentionables" counter at Macy's. I've changed.
Rusty: Guys like us don't change, Saul. We either stay sharp or we get sloppy, we don't change.

VIKINGS (-10.5) v. Seahawks = Guys like HIM and Childress don't change. Sooner or later, if they can't stay sharp, they get sloppy. I don't think father time can stay sharp all season. Childress has simply been lucky that he hasn't been put in the position too often that he actually has to make decisions that could hurt his team. Give him time.

I told my buddy Kevin that I had heard that Childress may get an extension. I said that as soon as Ziggy had committed to the guy who looks like a Fast-Food manager at the drive-in for more years, HIM would tear his shoulder up. Ladies and gentlemen, Brad Childress got extended through 2013.

Paging Dr. James Andrews. Dr. James Andrews. Dr. have a call at the front desk.

BTPC pick = Seahawks taking the points.

Turk Malloy: I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period French.
RAMS (+9) v Cards = Kurt Warner is returning to where it all turned around for him. The game is in a nice, comfy dome. And the Rams suck.

BTPC pick = Cards laying the points.

Danny: Ten oughta do it, don't you think?
Rusty: [Stares of in silence, not looking at Danny]
Danny: You think we need one more?
Rusty: [Silence]
Danny: You think we need one more.
Rusty: [Silence]
Danny: All right, we'll get one more.

Jets (+10.5) v. PATS = Darrelle Revis exemplifies the problem with the BS, big-talk culture Rexy Ryan has created in Gotham. He does not know when to shut up. Revis is a damn fine corner. He didn't have to say anything about shutting down Moss. Everyone would have talked about it anyway. Instead he opens his mouth up and gives Randy Moss a reason to care. Ryan even fanned the flames, saying "All I can say is we've got the best corner in the league," the coach said, "and I don't think there's any dispute about that." At least one coach on the Jets squad realizes this is suicide, as Defensive coordinator Mike Pettine admitted Revis had help over the top a good bit. As someone who watched that game will tell you, that was when Brady was not Brady, missing some big plays that were open. That ain't happening Sunday.

Either way, it's never a good reason to give Randy Moss a reason to care. Even worse when Billy B is coming off a week of everyone second guessing his genius. I hate these two teams and wish a meteor would simply hit the field Sunday. But I can't help thinking Billy B is gonna use last weeks game as a rallying point to push this Pats team through the season.

The Pats will get that 11th one

BTPC pick = Pats laying the points.

Danny: There's a ninety-five pound Chinese man with a hundred sixty million dollars behind this door.
Linus: Let's get him out.

Bengals (-9.5) v. RAIDERS = are well on your way to the playoffs. Just get the ninety-five pound Chinese man from behind the door.

BTPC pick = Cincy laying the points.

Rusty: The Bellagio and the Mirage. These are Terry Benedict's places.
Danny: Yes they are. You think he'll mind?
Rusty: More than somewhat.

Chargers (-3) v. BRONCOS = Picking the Broncos may boil down to you going with Chris Simms. Pre-ruptured spleen...that did not seem so bad. Post-ruptured spleen, it looks scary.

Having said that, Mile-High is like a Terry Benedict casino. If you plan on coming in and stealing one from Mile-High, you better have one sharp fella leading your crew. Norv Turner ain't no Daniel Ocean.

But if you saw Phillip River's post-game comments after that Eagles game, you can tell he really, really wants this game.

BTPC pick = Chargers taking the points.

Danny: Now, they tell me I paid my debt to society.
Tess: Funny, I never got a check.
Eagles (-3) v. BEARS = UPSET SPECIAL! The Eagles are still waiting for that Michael Vick investment to pay dividends. Much like Tess...they ain't ever gonna get that check. But there is good news for Eagles fans: no more worrying about whether Brian Westbrook is gonna play, huh? Once you see the headline "______ to see concussion specialists" you can pretty much figure that player's days are numbered. Why we're on the subject, how come no player with concussion problems does not sport the foam-extension cap like that Bills WR used to wear?

As far as this game, Philly made LaDainian Tomlinson look alive last week. Matt Forte is a better back than LT right now. I know Cutler has looked abysmal. But he got killed in the media (and rightfully so) all this week for his attitude and his performance. Just like he did in that first night game he sucked it up at last week. Despite the fact that he acts like douche, I think the Bears rally around Lovie this week. I'll take the young, diabetic, moody QB over the old, injury-susceptible, moody QB.

BTPC pick = UPSET SPECIAL! Bears taking the points.

Danny: Why do they always paint hallways that color?
Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.

Titans (+4.5) v. TEXANS = Quick tidbit noone has reported. They key to the resurrection of Vince Young is that Bud Adams ordered the hallways of the Titans practice facility painted taupe. And then he gave the painters the old, double-barreled salute.

BTPC pick = Texans laying the points.

Last week: 5-9 Upset special 0-1
Season to Date: 74-63-3 Upset Specials = 5-6.

1 comment:

Mike Reino said...

Dusty Lombardi is in the middle of his Orange Crush-like schedule right now, but he's playing like a champ, having knocked off both #1 ranked teams the past 2 weekends to move up to 7-4 and into 4th place. This week, we meet our arch rival, Da Boilermakers, to see who stays at Number 3.