It's week 9 and as promised (or warned) we've got a guest speaker today. So without further ado, let me turn this post over to Blake:
I'm from downtown. I'm here for Mitch and Murray. And I'm here on a mission of mercy.
The good news is...you're fired. The bad news is, you've got--all of you've got--just nine weeks to regain your jobs. Starting this week. Starting with this weeks picks. Oh...have I got your attention now?
We're adding a little something to this season's picks contest. As you all know, first prize is fortune and glory.
Anybody wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you're fired.
You get the picture? Are you laughing now?
F*cking picks are weak? You're weak. I've been in this business for 15 years. What's my name? F*ck you, that's my name. You know why mister? 'Cause you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight, I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name.
And you're name is you're wanting. You can't play in the man's game, you can't close them, then go home and tell your wife your troubles. Because only one thing counts in this life: pick winners. You hear me you f*cking faggots?
They are sitting out there waiting to give you their money. Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? The money's out there. You pick it up, it's yours. You don't, I got no sympathy for you.
These are the new picks. These are the Glengary picks. And to you, they're gold. To give them to you is to just throw them away. They're for closers.
I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. And to answer your question...why am I here? I came here because Mitch and Murray asked me to. They asked me for a favor. I said the real favor, follow my advice and fire your f*cking ass because a loser is a loser.
If you think you can close, here are the picks:
Cardinals v. BEARS (-3) = Did the Cardinals lay an egg last week or what? I mean...Kurt "Just for Men" Warner laid a Delhomme (5 pick performance). Which is apropos considering it was against the Cardinals last season during the playoffs that Jake Delhome lost his mojo. Meanwhile, the Bears got to cake walk through the semi-professional football team known as the Browns. I am not too concerned about Boldin's ankle. This is afterall the same man that played two weeks or so after getting his jaw broken. I am, however, concerned about Old Man Warner playing in potentially chilly and windy Soldier Field.
BTPC pick= Bears laying the points.
Redskins v. FALCONS (-10) = Daniel Snyder apologized to the fans this week. Does that matter? Listen...when John Riggins says you have a "dark heart," probably not. Snyder's "apology" doesn't carry much weight when you take into the fact that the Skins banned fans "negative" signs at games. WTF? Plus, Danny boy couldn't even match fellow owner Randy Lerner's sincerity by meeting with actual fans. At least Lerner had a sit-down LCN-style (that's La Cosa Nostra, people) with Dogpound Mike. Mike Smith is a good coach. He's damn sure a better coach than a neutered Jim Zorn.
BTPC pick = Falcons laying the points.
Texans v. COLTS (-9) = The first toughy of the group. The schizophrenic Texans can't possibly win 4 in a row, can they? Uh...no. But can they cover? Hmmm....eh....I'll tell you what. I'm going to believe that Kubiak's benching of Slaton fires him up and the Texans really give Peyton a run for their money. Don't you disappoint me, Texans.
BTPC pick = Texans taking the points.
Chiefs v. JAGS (-6.5) = I like Chris Chambers. He has a few of the prettiest catches ever by a Miami Dolphin (although Orande Gadsen hands down wins for having the most incredible catches by a Dolphin. I think 3 of his catches are on display in the Hall of Fame. I am sure this sick one is one of them). Having said that, Chambers was never a consistent WR to begin with. Most of us Dolfans thought he just needed to play with a strong QB. Uh...yeah, that didn't change much. Meanwhile, MGD is busting 60+ runs like their bubbles.
BTPC pick = Jags laying the points.
Dolphins v. PATS (-10.5) = UPSET SPECIAL! This game is really big. If Miami can beat the Pats and close to within 1 of them, they will really have a chance to grab the lead over the following three games. Miami plays Tampa, Carolina, and Buffalo before getting the Pats back at home. In that same stretch, NE plays Indy, Jets and the Saints.
NE's offense is exactly the type of offense that has given Miami fits, quick passing-spread offenses (Indy and NO). Miami has to do a good job of controlling the clock to win. To me, there are two keys for Miami.
First, the Wildcat. If you look at what the Saints started doing in the second half and what the Jets picked up on in the following game, their Ds blitzed either a S or a CB to set the edge (and taking on the wildcat coming across the formation--usually Ricky Williams). Miami needs to have that WR on the outside take off and they need to have Ronnie Brown or more specifically, Pat White throw the ball deep. Hopefully you hit some for TDs or big gains. But even if you don't, you'll back that D off and get back to going helmet-to-helmet with the run game (which with that high-paid line, you ought to win). I kind of wonder if Sparano intentionally held back on the Wildcat this past week, so he did not reveal too much. This will be, afterall, the pseudo-anniversary of the Wildcat's birth as it was at NE during the first matchup last season where the Wildcat was unleashed and shocked the Pats.
Second, you must get to Brady. All of a sudden, Brady looks like Brady again. But trust me...as someone who has started him just about every game for my fantasy team, Brady was not looking that great until his last two games. And those two games were against semi-professional teams the Titans and the Bucs. Miami had 3 rookies in the secondary last week. The only way they get away with that this week, is if Brady is too worried about Jason Taylor to pick on the rookies. (It would be nice if Joey Porter would decide to show up too). Miami has the best record of any AFC East opponent versus Belichick in NE at 10-8. There's a reason for that. His name is Jason Taylor. It's no coincidence that Brady lobbied Taylor HARD to get him to sign with New England, kind of the "better to have him in your tent pissing out than outside pissing in." Brady has got to be even more concerned knowing his usual LT, Matt Light is out and he'll have a rookie protecting his blind side. Keep this name in your mind, Cameron Wake. Look for the Dolphins rookie to use the attention paid to Porter and Taylor to his own advantage and meet Mr. Giselle in the backfield a few times.
BTPC pick = I don't want the points. I don't need the points, but I'll take the points. Miami taking the points.
Pack v. BUCS (+9.5) = The Pack rolls down to Tampa after the emotional roller coaster that was HIM's return to Lambeau. While some may expect a let down against a Tampa team coming off a bye, I don't for two reasons. First, the Pack is getting healthy on the OLine (supposedly getting Clifton back); and two, The Josh Freeman era is set to take off in Raymond James Sunday.
BTPC pick = Pack laying the points.
Lions v. SEAHAWKS (-10) = If you want to know why "Pitino...party of two" is not doing well, look no further than the fact that I have two Seahawks that I usually am forced to start (Burleson and Jones). Sad times indeed. Seattle's best player is without a doubt their 12th man: the crowd. Can that be enough for 10 points against a Detroit team with a rookie QB traveling to the West Coast? Yes...I think it can.
BTPC pick = 'Hawks laying the points.
Panthers v. SAINTS (-13) = Even though I picked the Panthers last week, I think people are taking a little too much from that game. Listen...it was the Cardinals. They are not that good. Truth be told, they were not that good last year until they caught fire in the playoffs. I just can't see this Panther team playing the Saints better than Miami did, and Miami lost by 12 (if you count that BS TD that was not a TD).
BTPC pick = Saints laying the points.
Titans v. 49ers (-4) = Last week I said I believed in Vince Young. Uh...not this much.
BTPC pick = 49ers laying the points.
Chargers v. GIANTS (-4.5) = Phillip Rivers gets the chance to stick it to Eli and the Giants here. It's really tempting to take them. But Tom Coughlin called his troops out and he's going against Norv Turner.
BTPC pick = Giants laying the points.
Cowboys v. EAGLES (-3) = Desean is gonna Detoast the Cowboys.
BTPC pick = Eagles laying the points.
Steelers v. BRONCOS (+3) = McDaniels gets the chance to show how his teams respond to setbacks. He did a pretty good job responding to all the offseason setbacks, didn't he? Plus...he's getting points at home.
BTPC pick = Broncos taking the points.
Remember...it takes brass balls to pick games. Oh...and coffee's for closers.
Last week = 6-7 Upset special: forgot to designate one, but we'll say it was the Panther's pick, so 1-0 (hey...we need all the help we can get, right?)
Season to Date: 65-46-3 Upset Specials = 4-5.