Oh...Jim. Buck up, there little cowboy. Here's a tip: under promise, over perform. Trust us. It makes things a little easier. The problem with the all or nothing approach is if you lose you get nothing. So for the man who tried to single-handedly hand Inez Tenenbaum the election, perhaps you shouldn't pick fights with those who have evinced a much stronger ability to achieve.
But don't get too down. Here's a little ditty that's sure to make up feel better. Remember...the history book on the self is always repeating itself.
I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.