Friday, October 29, 2010

Week 8 picks: Ask the Magic 8-Ball

Week 8 of the 2010 NFL Season. What better way to pick games this week, than to enlist the help of the greatest prognosticating device known to man: the Magic 8-Ball. Shall we begin?

Broncos (+2) v. Niners (in London) = The Broncos got lit up last week. The Niners are starting Troy Smith. We actually think Smith is Singletary's kind of they'd fire each other up. But the routine problems the Niners had at the beginning of the season (not able to get in plays) does not bode well for preparing and executing a successful trip across the pond. Can the 49ers pull that logistical nightmare off? Magic 8-ball says: My sources say no.

BTPC pick: Broncos getting 2.

Dolphins (+1.5) v. BENGALS

UPSET SPECIAL! The Phins are 3-3 with all 3 of their losses being to teams that are 5-1 and one of those losses being complete horseshit. How shitty has the ref'ing been for the Dolphins? Mid-week, the NFL came out and said the "interception" Henne threw on that last play was in fact an interception. Apparently, the league office decided they had not screwed the Dolphins enough by just giving Pittsburgh the win with the call on that endzone fumble, they also wanted to really pour paint thinner in the wound by not reversing that call (further screwing Henne's rating). So...Miami may have 3 losses, but their losses came to really good teams who are allowed to catch "interceptions" as long they only bounce once off the ground. Will Tony Sparano use this shit to fire up his team and pitch it as it's us against everybody, boys? Magic 8-ball says: You may rely on it.

BTPC pick: Dolphins getting 1.5

CHIEFS (-7.5) v. Bills

Are the Chiefs really going to win the AFC West? Magic 8-ball says: Ask again later.

BTPC pick: Bills getting 7.5

RAMS (-3) v. Panthers

Can the Panthers win two in a row? Magic 8-ball says: Don't count on it.

BTPC pick: Rams giving 3.

JETS (-6) v. Packers
Aaron Rogers led his Pack to a big win over the hated orange-croc-wearing-home-pornographer/sexter last week. The Jets had a bye. We would love to see the Pack light it up and make Sanchize have to do something. Will they? Magic 8-ball says: Reply hazy. Try again.

BTPC pick: Pack getting 6.

LIONS (-2.5) v. Redskins
The Lions are favored? Really? Magic 8-ball says: Yes.

BTPC pick: Redskins getting 2.5

Jaguars (+6.5) v. COWBOYS
Oh my that John Kitna music? Magic 8-ball says: Without a doubt.

BTPC pick: Jaguars getting 6.5

CHARGERS (-3.5) v. Titans
Who is Phillip Rivers gonna throw to? Magic 8-ball says: Cannot predict now.

BTPC pick: Titans getting 3.5

PATRIOTS (-4) v. Vikings
Is it possible that the whole Jen Sterger scandal will end the Favre-Childress marriage before the Favre-Favre marriage? Magic 8-ball says: Signs point to yes.

BTPC pick: Pats giving 4

RAIDERS (-2.5) v. Seahawks
When the Raiders started poorly this season, Jason Campbell publicly stated it may have been because they had gotten a little too cocky. The Raiders...cocky. Last week they hung a Fifty-burger on a shell shocked Denver team. Is it possible the Raiders won't know how to handle "success"? Magic 8-ball says: You may rely on it.

BTPC pick: Seahawks getting 2.5

CARDINALS (-3) v. Bucs
Are the Bucs really the best team in the NFC as their coach proclaimed? Magic 8-ball says: My reply is no.

BTPC pick: Bucs getting 3

Steelers (pick em) v. SAINTS
In a battle of the last two Champs, on Halloween, on television, after Breesus threw 4 picks and Big Ben showed how much he's "changed" by lying his ass off about how he really had possession of that football, will the football gods reward the team with the better person as a QB (who also happens to play in a town that dresses in costume all the time)? Magic 8-ball says: As I see it, yes

BTPC pick: Saints

COLTS (-5.5) v. Texans
Do the Colts remember that ass whupping the Texans gave them early this season, after all the trash talk over the offseason? Magic 8-ball says: It is certain

BTPC pick: Colts laying 5.5

Last Week: 8-5-1 Upset Special: 0-0-1
Season to date: 51-47-6 Upset specials 4-1-1
Career to date: 177-169-14

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