The Borat genius strikes again. Can you believe there is actually a "controversy" about whether or not Eminem was in on the gag? Really? Who cares? MTV's movie awards audience was treated to a mans bare ass in the face of an ego-driven, A-list rapper. The only thing that would have been better would have been if "Bruno" got up and punched Spencer Pratt in the nose, driving the cartilage into his brain, killing him instantly and sparing the world from any more of his 15 minutes (which has been painfully too long).
I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.