Sunday, September 27, 2009

Week 3 picks: Bare Bones edition

We were in Hendersonville, NC for a wedding yesterday. Between that and the Thursday night USC - Ole Miss game, we've had a bit of a shortage on time and sleep this week. As such, we're gonna have to roll with a bare bones version of this week's picks. We're sorry you're being deprived of our normal, witty reparte. I mean...given our record, that is obviously all we are bringing to the table. But it is what it is. Enjoy.

RAVENS (-13.5) v. Browns = Did you see where one of Cleveland's rookies could not handle a little ice hazing and threw licks? Is it possible Mangini has lost this team already? The answer is obviously that he never even had them.

BTPC pick = Ravens cover.

RAMS (+7) v. Packers = The Pack is probably upset and looking for something to prove after losing to the Bengals. They should not be. The Bengals are better. But they are gonna take it out on the Rams.

BTPC pick = Pack covers.

Giants (-7) v. BUCS = It may be time for " of two" to start the other Steve Smith. The sound you are hearing is Eli Manning licking his chops. The BUCS made Tony Romo look like Dan Fouts.

BTPC pick = Gmen cover.

EAGLES (-8.5) v. Kansas City = Todd Haley turned in one of the worst coaching jobs in history. Now he has to travel to Philly with a team that may be questioning its coach. Not good. The crowd will be pumped with word that Dog(face) Killa is gonna play. What's to over under on shots of Donovan McNabb on the sideline laughing-and-acting-like-he's-happy-for-Vick-when-in-reality-he's-seething-on-the-inside? I say 14.

BTPC pick = PHI covers.

Saints (-6) v. BILLS = UPSET SPECIAL! The Saints and Drew Brees are not human. I forsee "Duke" showing up at Ralph Wilson stadium today: "You see? You see? He's not a machine, he's a man, he's a man." The Saints and Brees leave talking about how Fred Jackson is like a piece of iron.

Duke can hold Sly like this. You know why? Because he's a man.

BTPC pick = BILLS surprise everyone, especially their wet-blanket women who told them "You can't win!" (I'm talking at you, Kita and Monique.)

Falcons (+4) v. PATS = Tom Brady is married to a supermodel. Tom Brady is mad. For years, we have known the mantra: Don't bet against a Belichek team after a loss. Despite all the problems the Pats have (and they've got a lot right now: shitty O-line, banged up and leaderless D, no Welker) I refuse to bet against Tom Brady and Billy B when they're pissed. But a warning: if Brady looks bad again today, do we start to ask of Brady if it's the marriage and all that honeymoon/supermodel sexin' that's the problem and not the knee? Interesting...

BTPC pick = PATS...I suppose to cover although I think this line is ridiculously high on the Pats and shows that Vegas is trapped in 2007 Pats thinking.

Titans (+2.5) v. JETS = J-E-T-S. JETS! JETS! JETS! I believe. (And no...this is in no way some type of attempt at reverse jinxing Big Green. I would never, ever, ever do that. Never.)

BTPC pick = JETS cover.

Niners (+7) v. VIKINGS = Mr. Mr. Willis and Mr. Clements.

BTPC pick = Niners cover.

TEXANS (-3.5) v. Jags = Is Matt Schaub for real? Was that NY Jets D that good week 1 or were the Titans that ridiculously bad?

BTPC pick = Texans win, but Jags keep it within the spread.

Bears (-2) v. HAWKS = If Jay Cutler can't beat the Hasselbeckless Hawks by 3, then they gave up way too much for him.

BTPC pick = Bears cover.

BENGALS (+4) v. Steelers = I'm riding the Bungles-train, Reino. Come on and get on board!

BTPC pick = Bengals cover.

Broncos (-1.5) v. RAIDERS = Really good quarterbacks in the National Football League do not wear mohawks. Just sayin'...

Even Malcolm in the Middle would tell JaMarcus there are some folks who can't pull off mohawks.

BTPC pick = Broncos cover.

Miami (+6) v. SD = Short week east coast team travels to west coast team. The Phins did everything right last week, except win. Sparano better get his guys up for this. We'll get a good look at whether or not Sparano has this team. Despite the fact that I don't know if he does...I don't want the points, I don't need the points, but I'll take the points.

BTPC pick = Phins outright.

Colts (+1.5) v. CARDS = I like Manning at night way better than Warner at night.

BTPC pick = Colts cover.

Car (+9) v. COWBOYS = UPSET SPECIAL! (That's right...two this week. I got to change it up.)Even when it's not a playoff game, just a game with a lot of pub, Romo chokes. Anyone else starting to think he made Jessica gain that weight and let herself go a little, because he could not quite...uh-hem..."perform" when she was looking all hot? The football gods are still pissed at Jerruh for effin' with the game with that big tv. They're even more pissed about him charging football loving fans money for a "party pass" where the fan can't even see the damn field. The football gods keep Jerruh winless in his Taj Mahal. I don't want the points. I don't need the points. I'll take the points.

Like a big game...Romo could not handle this.

BTPC pick = Panthers

Season-to-date: 15-14-2

Upset record: 0-2

No comments: