But now he's completely full of it. Stevens was convicted recently in a corruption case. Seems the jury did not buy his argument that he did know he was receiving improper gifts when he had his home remodeled, despite the fact that he did not pay for the renovations.
So with a convicted felon as their Senator, some are calling for Stevens to step down. Here is his answer: NO!
The good senator seems to think he has not been convicted of anything until all of his appeals are exhausted. Of course, that's bunk. I've got any number of clients who will be happy to explain to Stevens that every state in the Union and the Federal Government sure do treat them like convicted felons. A whole lot of them are awaiting their appeals from behind bars. So give it a rest, Ted. Step down.
I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling.
When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me.
I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment.
I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet.
I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation.
The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels.
I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.