Darius Rucker Readies New Album 'When Was the Last Time'
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Sunday, February 8, 2009
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- pluvlaw
- I am a bold figure, often seen powerwalking and crushing cans. I have been known to rock a microphone. I translate American Idol for enemy noncombatants. I routinely manage to infurriate DC Metro service personel. I woo women with my impressive name-dropping and my astounding ability at butterbean shelling. When I'm bored, I take a case of wine over to my friend's house and get introduced to all the Puerto Rican girls who are dying to meet me. I am a logical negativist who has propounded a set of laws that the world ignores, to its detriment. I am an expert in Post-Civil War Reconstruction, a veteran of Greenwood Baseball, and an outlaw in Murrell's Inlet. I once built a perpetual motion machine with Steve Roberts. I make homemade Sprite. I have been and remain on double secret probation. The Russians call me "Vilnius Nastavic," because I require but one ping. I used to handle black ops for the United States Postal Service. I helped open Dog One and have doctored flight logs for rising 5-star colonels. I have driven from Texarkana to Atlanta in 28 hours. I had no fatalities during my brief career on the safety patrol.
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